I wish I had the words to say…

​I wish I had the words to say…I do. I wonder if I don’t have the words because I’m not supposed to. 

It’s a curious feeling I have…day in and out, usually all day in between my mandatory thoughts and occasional online shopping. What are you up to? How are you doing, really? And why is that? Can I apologize…should I? Should you? lol I don’t think so…I think we’re just humans and life is interesting and unpredictable. I think that’s what I think. That’s what I think out loud. Inside, it may very well be driving me crazy. Crazy but not insane lol. I genuinely only think about….when this isn’t a safe place to be super open but I wish I had the words to say what’s on my heart. More importantly, I wish I knew for sure my words would be received and welcomed and…reciprocated? Not sure if I want them reciprocated actually but I do want closure. Heavy on that part…

In case you’re reading…

​Talking to myself today and I said something I want to remember…

“I don’t like liking someone and being unsure if I’m being wasteful, hopeful, or patient.”

This is my reminder that sometimes it’s time to let go. 

It’s not sad or anything…just kinda empty feeling. Like I poured it all and when there was nothing left to pour, I make more to pour. I’m kinda irritated with that habit of mine and I often wonder if I were to deliberately discover the root of this coping behavior, would I even fix it? Would my empathy bone allow me to overcome the urge to check if you’re ok? Is it something i did? Can I offer an apology? Would that fix it or… Or is is it…is it something about who I naturally am? Which part of me is it? Could I change that? Let me know and I can adjust, I can adjust forever. I’m resilient in the most self deprecating way known to man and why? You tell me what parts of me you don’t like anymore and strongly suggest I should work on that…but I liked that part, I thought it kinda made me different and that was cool but change to continue to receive what I’m naturally giving?yea I can do that but….SHOULD I🫣 Cuz now do u like me orrrr you like x,y,z about me. Conditional liking…common but not my cup of tea but it could be? Agghh there I go again but really I just wanna know “Do I want you to like me?” And then Why…what is it about exhibit A that makes me crave its admiration, recognition, love…not even romance just be a friend but not like matching outfit friends…but just acceptance and safety in clarity. Clarity of whaaatt thooo? Exactly…if it’s not clear then maybe it actually issss clear…just not what I want to see or maybe how I want to see. I just want freedom of soul and self while still being able to bond and connect wholesome with another human. I think that’s what I’m seeking but maybe once I find the actually thing I’m seeing it’ll be less abstract and more specific to what’s meant FOR ME…is freedom equal to loneliness for me? Have I ever felt to be truly free in a mature enough mindset to recognize that’s what I even tf had???

Right, see? I stopped writing online because I want to make sure I’m placing my energy in the correct places where they can be understood, respected, heard? 

My energy felt kinda exposed here which is odd because writing in the way that I do is…exposing lmao but it’s really for relating and helping others who may be surfing in the waves of life as I…falling, splashing, gulping for air but swallowing gallons of the wrong element, ejecting it, finding my board floating calmly…attached to my ankle by the greatest Velcro…gods Velcro aka peace lmao why is Velcro auto corrected to start with a capital letter but god is not… interesting but not enough for me to jump in the hole.

I started touching grass with intention and my creativity is pouring, my reality is shifting in my favor…

I’ll miss you…and love you from a distance but I must make this my final ounce of me that I freely give to you🫶🏾

Love always,

Deena

And Suddenly...

 I went to the library the other day. I take the kids every week but this day, i decided to venture beyond the kid's section and explore the adult books.

I checked out maybe 4...cant remember but I grabbed damn near every book i saw lol

Now that I have the books....i must read them. They're interestingly designed so I'm hopeful for a needle in the haystack. At least one will be memorable and exciting. It's tough to find time. When Im at work, I'm truly working and when Im at lunch, I'm vlogging or...eating haha and at night...instead of scrolling and yapping, I should read. At least an hour, i tell myself. Hoping to stay trapped in the pages longer than 60 minutes but I know I'll make progress quickly by doing an hr a day. Maybe in the morning is best?

I also want to rap more. I pay 3.99 to have access to this cool recording app and I dont even be on there enough. i have to reframe my perspective to truly maximize the day. I need to prioritize the time to rap, read, work, shit, sleep, and eat...easy, right?

The First Quarter

 Hello beautiful people!!! I have returned haha

My job has been working me day n night like a Jackson but...Still, I Riseeeeee bayyybeeeee lol

Life has been looking up. I'm at peace, my home is happy and healthy, I'm regulating my new dynamics. 

I haven't written much in here necessarily but I'm writing for sure...believe you me haha.

I have been posting on my channel like a mad woman though, and I'm just getting started. I want to be super-efficient with my video editing, but I have solution for that, I think. I'm going to get an iPhone. I'm afraid that's the only way I could elevate my shit right now lmao. That's what i'm telling myself to justify this purchase. But really, all my friends are iphoners and they facetime without me...even my kids have iphones lmao think that's where i truly drew the line.

I want a pen pal so badly. Did yall ever do that back in the day? Write letters to another school and they'd write back...at the end of the school year, we'd have a field trip where we got to meet out pen pals...best memories were looking at how another child wrote the letter "D" lol that tickled me. I even would adopt their handwriting for my letter back to them. One pen pal I had in the 4th grade, Katie, I told her a story about how my little brother got attacked by a cat and I couldn't stop laughing while I watched. I told her I felt so disappointed in myself that I couldn't fight the tears of my laughter long enough to help him. He got scratched up pretty good but what a good story. She sent me back a story about how her brother eats her barbie shoes...long story short, she ain't even have a brother. I was pissed when I found out...like I had revealed some sort of sacred Big Sister lore to an imposter. My heart was crushed so i threw all her letters away on or way back to the bus. I regret throwing them away. It would've been cool to reflect on what I thought was important as a 4th grader, but yea...fuck her lmao

I'd love a pen pal as an adult but not one who's incarcerated. Not discriminatory reasons necessarily but more of an alignment conflict. My intentions are to probably never exchange anything beyond the gift of handwriting and story sharing...I don't want to meet your mother or call your homeboy's niece on 3 way to hear a new mixtape they recorded in the toilet last Thursday. Strictly a pal with the pen.

Of course, if it progresses into a friendship...or palship? that would be cool but I just wanna write and I want someone else to read it who doesn't know me and wont judge me. Kinda like what I do on here, but I know there's a receiver of my expression lol. Which makes me question, if I'm expressing, does it need to be received? or do I express to release? I think sometimes I'm a messenger, but most times I'm just releasing some shit haha. Creative energy with no true form or direction....YET.

how have yall been? I also want to get my finances in order. I've been out here floating but I'm tryna coat...cruise...relax and tap. not check my balance and move this over there and that over here in the line before I get to the register or as they ring up my total. I just wanna be more in control and organized.

I'm just realizing the power I have to mold and create my future from this point forward. I'm a little nervous but like in a great way...ehn...i think haha

anyway, thanks for reading and let me know if you wanna be my penpal. real inquiries only

You can miss me with the mf shenanigans, my nigga. 😁

🍀Deena

2025

 I see no one is actively reading this blog and that's fine by me lmao

This year wasn't a nightmare necessarily, but definitely sort of a fever dream. For starters, I sat under the table a year ago with all varieties of the color of drawls I owned, I ate 12 dark red grapes and manifested a more consistent, intentional version of myself.

All of the things fell into place, even if I wasn't ready lol

First, I swallowed my fear of social media. I know, I'm not shy in real life but online...ionno what it is lmao In person, I'm confident that my actions and words aren't really open for interpretation because I'm very clear and straight forward...online, there's room for unsolicited opinions and misinterpretations and...it makes me nervous to be understood. I learned that my fear of being misunderstood came from being in an environment where it wasn't ok for me to be wrong, have a different opinion, have my own perspective, express myself creatively...Once I realized the fear was all in my head and not real, life really took off for me.

I built friendships with people who I was nervous to welcome into my life...including some coworkers haha. I was offered opportunities that I didn't see coming...President of my public speaking club, a promotion at work...twice in one year. I also rebuilt some old friendships, and quietly let some go.

I try not to be messy...because the only mess i'll tolerate is in my laundry room haha Long story short though, I had to spread my wings and fly to a new nest. My old nest was falling apart and as fast as I tried to replace sticks and debris when they fell, my efforts alone couldn't repair the broken nest. Got my eggs and found a new tree, a fresh nest, with fresh energy and I'm so excited to be myself and be openly happy without it upsetting my home. 

lawddddd have mercy lmao

SO yes, I am in the process of finding myself solo. 

I like it so far, I feel safe, supported, peaceful, happy, creative, free...I feel great. I also have to consider my children and their feelings. Thus far, they're mirroring my happiness. If it's performative to please me or if they're genuinely relieved, I'm not 1000% sure but I hope they know it's safe to not be ok. I try to encourage them to express their feelings with honesty and integrity, even if it may upset others. Whether our feelings upset someone else or not is not our responsibility. It's our responsibility to set and respect our boundaries that create healthy relationship dynamics that support growth and safety. Period.

But anyway, I posted frequently on here and on my youtube. I'm so proud of myself for being consistent, even when I didn't feel like being vulnerable or creative or open...this is the most creatively productive year I've had in my entire life haha crazy but a great feeling for sure. 

And overall...I found my voice. I think writing played a huge role in that. I learned that I don't need to prove myself in order to be liked, loved, chosen, accepted...I can be myself and that's ok. I'm not intentionally harming anyone, just tryna enjoy life, experience creating memories with family and friends, and not wanting to argue about having a thought or opinion or desire to try something new. I don't need to argue to enjoy karaoke or dancing or a girl's night. I don't need to justify why I need a break from being a caretaker to enjoy being Deena. I don't need to convince anyone I'm worthy of respect, communication, consideration, even love. I've grown to hold enough love for myself where the opinions of others dont really scare me like they used to. I get nervous of course lol but that doesn't stop me from being myself in every room I enter. Most importantly, I'm not responsible for anyone's feelings but my own. I'm not responsible for proving myself to anyone but myself. I am an adult and cannot be punished for being myself in order to make someone else feel good about being themselves. Fuck that shit fr. I'm too massive of an energy to be bartered with about who I can and cannot be...or what parts of me are accepted. I'll be ok. 

Life goes on and gets better. Trusting myself and showing up with my morals and boundaries is all I have and sometimes, all I need lol. So fuck all the dumb shit and hello 2026. We made ittttttt 🥰💚

Working is cool I suppose...

 I'm trying to remain grateful at all times. My job is whoopipn my ass though. I do quite a bit...or at least I'm expected to do more than I'm mentally capable of handling right now maybe?

My personal life isn't a shit show anymore but it's had some adjustments that I'm trying to conceal from my work-world but they're bleeding together like red box dye on a hotel pillow case. Slightly discolored, like you can tell something is amuck. 

The holiday season is approaching so quickly and I'm in a position where every penny counts, every drop of gas is planned type shit lmao. Not that I'm tight on cash but I don't wanna be. 

I'm also trying to balance my uhh...what do you call that in English 🤔ah! my emotions. Yes, those. They exist but I've been ignoring them for a while now. Mostly for survival purposes but now that it's ok and safe to acknowledge them, i don't know how to do that...gently. I don't like to cry, nor do I ever really have space and opportunity to let it out like I probly need to. Which makes me think, ehn...I'm straight haha. And I am...but I want to get to a place where I dont need human companionship to feel fulfilled. I want to truly be comfortable and at peace with myself. I think once I do that, I'll attract like-minded people. 

Recent events have made me realize I shut down when my life gets crazy but i need to. I don't like people reminding me of the shit I'm crawling through. As soon as I get up from my army crawl, the last thing I need is a mf to point at me and say hey, you know you have shit on your uhh...your shirt? Like yes mf, I smell it but let's talk about something else? Please? 

I also realize people expressing pity or empathy or help, irks me. Makes me feel weak lmao. So crazy to me because I'm a helper. It's not that I don't like help, I don't like the responsibility of telling people how/why i need help. I always feel like, ehn nahh...cuz now I gotta tell you what's going on...get back down on my belly and crawl backwards through the shit and then forwards...and then "OMG! Are you okay?😢" Like uhh...yes, i would've included that in my spiel if I wasn't ya know? Like "and now I'm not okay" type shit lol. Yea I'm fine, no I don't want company, I'm over stimulated af. This is my first time living alone in a while...a very long while. I have no furniture yet so what you finna come sit on my blow up mattress while we trauma dump and drink wine? Sounds nice in theory if this was a Disney or lifetime movie but in real life like, ew no. Let me get my shit together. Where's the consideration?? Don't you understand what I've just gotten out of? AAGGGHHHHH!!

But no, they don't understand lmao I have to consider that people care about me and they're not being inconsiderate, they just really have no clue how I'm feeling because I'm presenting as happy...like all is well 🥲 Most people are like oh wow, you're handling this so well. No tf I'm not nigga lmao NOTFIMNOT haha. 

I mean, technically, I am. Head up with my chest out, always. But inside...gyaatttdayum. Just a lil lonely fr. Been that way all year to be honest. I feel less lonely now that I'm alone but...ionno how to explain it. I feel like maybe my socializing is superficial. The people that I connect deeply with, I don't want to burden them with my non-happy feelings. I know I have people around me who would listen, gladly. They'd encourage me to talk to them matter of fact...but ew. No, this is MY trauma dammit. I'm not sharing lol

Plus I've lived such a private life, fronting on the outside and whatnot, for a very long time...married life is quite the secret society. Now that I have the freedom to speak and be myself, I'm terrified. I'm outgoing, yes but I don't mean it for real lmao. My goal is to earn an Oscar one day for the way I fineness my presentation skills. It's all a show though. I need to just lock in and find something purposeful again. Writing today is helpful...this feels good.

Also, I had a fear that I was being watched and monitored by the opps lmao. I know, I know...sounds crazy but yall dont even know the half of what I escaped from. Generational levels of manipulative behaviors...Fortunately, I was raised to never be afraid of being honest. The truth can't be judged or clowned because it is what it is...Not only do I stand on business nigga, I AM the business haha

No but seriously, I need to adjust to being myself without being nervous about upsetting others with who I am...that's been like what i imagine PTSD is like? But at the same time, it could've been worse so I dont want to dramatize my situation or overexaggerate. Disrupted my peace and my spirit in ways I've never experienced though, I'll say that. 

Also, work.

SO one of my new pet peeves, discovered this year...I don't like when people set up a meeting with me and say "It should only be 10 minutes but i booked an hour just in case" Nigga JUST IN CASE WHAT? WTF is gonna extend this 10m minute meeting to an hour. Because why even tell me that. That's torturous....like no, you just wanna talk and shit. I don't have time. If it's gonna take 10 minutes, book it for 10 minutes. Period. You're eating up my calendar with maybe an extra 50 minutes?? lmao wtf is wrong with you?? Book it for an hour and leave it or book it for 10. Don't tell me...because now, after 10 minutes (or so) if I understand or have retained all of the information I need, I'm out. you can discuss the rest of the 50 minutes amongst yourself. Yes singular lmao. Talk to yourself for 50 minutes since you have wiggle room over there. I know this may sound...ya know what? no. It sounds like a boundary actually, and I'm not apologizing for setting a boundary lmao. Sorry, I don't want to waste paid time with you. That should be respected. I'm not gangsta enough to send the meeting request back with a suggested edit though. I haven't reached that level of respect for myself lmao 

If you don't write or talk to yourself, you should. You see what I just discovered about myself? I don't respect myself enough to set a boundary and stick with it firmly...yet. Writing and talking and reflecting with myself always just produces more nutritious fruit for me than when I vent to others. It's cool to get affirmations on your feelings, yes. But where I am, I already know whatever I'm feeling is valid becasue I know my boundaries. I dont need to share my pain to get someone to hype me up, make me feel better, or let me know I'm not crazy. I do that for myself lol. Talking to others openly, the way I like to do on here or when I'm alone feels like I'm complaining or nagging. Very much giving counterproductive. 

When I find myself talking about something I consider a "problem" or "recurring stress" of mine, I get annoyed with the fact that I haven't adjusted my life yet to where I can stop talking about whatever that thing is. For example, I used to be late for work every. single. day. Not traffic related, just scrolling or not feeling motivated to get the day started. I was more irritated with the feeling of frustration that I was the cause of my tardiness than the heavy traffic, my coworkers' passive aggressive cliche "Look who decided to show up" type shit...and yes, that was aggravating too lol but I couldn't deny the fact - I welcomed all those conditions and circumstances for myself with my regular groggy morning habits. I told myself one day:

Self: Damn, Deena - you like that shit huh? Swerving and hearing those lil slick ass comments...you like that?" 

Deena: No, of course not

Self: ...ok well, don't let it happen, duuhhh  

And then I've never, if so...rarely, was ever late again. 

and that's what i need to do now...i also have that 10 minute, maybe an hour meeting to get to lmao. Might be late on purpose since homegirl has 50 minutes to throw away...kidding. I wouldn't do that...unfortunately lmao.

K, hope this helped. someone, somehow...

Thanks, byyyyyyeeee 😁

10-10-10 Worksheet

 Saw this on Instagram...so I figured, what the helly? I'll give it a go. Plus, I'm having a writer's block today and needed someone else to give me a prompt to distract me from rambling about my recent unusual cosmic misfortunes...

The 10-10-10 Worksheet is supposed to reset your energy into a positive direction. I'm feeling like blah today but Imma try because these are the days that count.

Okey Dokey...First, you'll get a sheet of paper...or virtual paper of course is acceptable 😁 ...

You'll create 3 lists of 10. The first list is the top 10 most exciting desires you have, the second is the top 10 things your most grateful for and the last list is the top 10 things you love to do so...

Top 10 Things I Desire

1. To live in a different state

2. Travel more (not sure if I like it yet fr so this could go either way 🤷🏾‍♀️)

3. Prioritize myself

4. To motivate or inspire others to be the best version of themselves.

5. To be the best version of myself (which means to be at peace with who I am in every space, in every crowd)

6. Financial freedom

7. A stronger bond with my siblings

8. Healthy friendships that promote growth and positivity

9. Healthy companionship...? I think lmao ionno fr

10. To accomplish my goals and continue to challenge myself 

Top 10 Things I'm Most grateful For

1. My life

2. My children

3. My sanity

4. Jerk Chicken, stewed cabbage, rice and peas, plantains. lawdamErcy

5. My loved ones (friends and family)

6. My career

7. My mobility/health

8. Burger King, duh

9. People skills

10. Confidence/ the urge/ self-motivation to continue to grow

Ten Things I love To Do

1. Eat food...especially new foods from different cultures 😜 

2. Laugh

3. I love board games/card games/game nights. I'm a beast...and a winner...lmao 😈

4. Try new activities...hiking, kayaking, skydiving, etc

5. Meet new people

6. Creative expression (dance, sing, rap, write, draw, vlog, doing hair, all dat etc)

7. Talking/Listening

8. Self care...new for me but um..bada-ba-ba-baaah, I'm lovin it type shi

9. Learning about how/why things work/don't work. This could be anything really, but I tend to get the most excited when I learn about myself and how I fare in social settings with/compared to others lol I lowkey have a lil psych degree for the free lmao

10. I love being a Momma 🥰I love supporting my children's dreams and goals and interests. Empowering kids to overcome obstacles that they initially perceive as a deterrent to a dream is really a rewarding feeling that can't be put into words. Love it. So I guess I can put I love coaching tball too. I enjoy being the voice I didn't hear when I was growing up...yea it's deep like that, huh? haha

Youtube is Poppiinnnnnn

 So I have learned to believe in the power of scheduled posting. What a game changer! 

I know, I sound like I'm the exact age that I am lmao.

Instead of working on multiple videos at once, I chose a day, usually Sunday, to unplug and thug through editing as many videos as I can. Then I upload them, clear my memory and set them to post, 1 per day depending on how many I'm able to get through. It's been so much fun. Especially while I wait for my laundry...Instead of binge-watching crime documentaries and scrolling, I'm editing. Like I get paid to do that shit haha. Because I do! I get paid in creative release endorphins...or whatever. dopamine? ionno what it is but i feel better when I crop it, post it, delete it from my phone haha. sooo satisfying. I'm trying to outpost myself. I'm winning mwahahahaa

If you have some down time, this is my most recent upload. Nothing of true substance that will change your perspective of human existence but...it's entertaining to some lol

AND I appreciate the support, I'm all about positive vibes and just thuggin shit out. Healthy? ionno...but it's been working for me. Making the best out of whatever ya know? 

💚deena

Prioritize the Prize

 Heeyyy,

How's that week coming along for you? Mine is going great...now that I'm living in my dream life head ahhh haha

Seriously though, I'm seeing and feeling and living the difference. I'll tell you how...

Week 1 of Living My Dream Life

First off, let me just say...you should believe me, big dawg. Live the dream...

Secondly, what a fantastic week for me. I have a supportive network of safe people around me who value my well-being. I've always had them, but I've only seen them that way recently. Without too much detail, my life has been a little low-key/private ya know...hard to believe because I'm venting to y'all every other day lmao but people who care, I don't tell them too much because well, they care. This week, I lived the dream. I had a life where I could talk to my loved ones openly without fear of...well, anything or any one. It was fulfilling for me...IS fulfilling uheheheh (major payne laugh).

Since I'm a rising YouTube phenomenon, I need to post more....yea, in my DREAMS, right? Exactly! Now you get it haha no but seriously, for all my content creators out there, you know what I mean. the time it takes to set up, film, edit, grow the cajónes to post it and not cringe, the urge to delete it when no one seems to be looking fr...well, at least that was my experience before I decided to live my dream lol Instead of worrying about who's watching, I remember that I'm watching! I'm the dream maker...I gotta post more to give my audience more options. Maybe they dont like everything but they'll like something one day...someone will find a video of mine and think oh shit, this is relatable lemme share to my gc...the gc shares it to their friends and boom, merch drop!

Step 1 : POST IT

I mean yall... I'm dropping footage from 2024. I don't care when I filmed it or when I post it...because the dream starts whenever it's found🤏🏾🤏🏾🤏🏾 

Can't be found if it's not there...are you actually following me? In real life?

Yea, literally...Subscribe Here 🥰

Not only am I a youtube baddie, but I'm also intentionally moving my body daily so I can maintain mobility and keep my energy on the positive side. DREEEAAAMM, mmk? I walk more, take the stairs at work and I'm tired as hell when I get home so I sleep better. My skin is glowing, and I'm a fish with the Stanley. Sippity sip, mah bwoi.

I love who I am and what I'm capable of creating. That's a dream...i'm living it. Being myself...openly. Pause 🤨 lol I'm having a great day on purpose and checking a nigga if necessary but that's my last resort. Snap in case of emergency resort. I'm not one o snap in general fr so this dream is familiar but this time I'm not having a good day because I made myself small to avoid conflict. This time, there is no conflict becasue in my dream, all things are working in my favor for the betterment of myself. Anything I'd normally consider a conflict is now a lesson...or a puzzle. I love puzzles and learning. I'm ok now. Just gotta...figure it out. That's my specialty. See? Dream. NEEEEXXXTT...

Lastly but not finally, I prioritized the tasks in my dream life. Most of the time I approach life as it comes my way. That's been fun and all for a lil while but everyday tho?hahn? lol no, thank you. Soooo, I take time to think about all of the things I have due or need to do for the week. I write them down. then I split them up into 5 days (7 if there's a hefty list). I write down the most urgent on Monday and then scale it down. Sometimes I'm so efficient, I can get some of my Wednesday tasks done on Tuesday and Friday is looking task free and that's definitely a part of my what??

DREAM 😁

So yea, living the dream. Shit's fire lmao. 

💚

DIY Reality

 Hey...

How's your week been?

Mine's been okay, I guess. Nothing truly worth complaining about. It could be better but could also be worse. I wonder sometimes if this even matters...writing on here. Is it worth the release? I get a kick out of it...so today, we're changing our reality together. Delulu express to the max...so buckle tf up buttercup 🤓

Most times, you see people think "If I start a business, I will have freedom, then I will be at peace." If I, then I will have... but instead, eliminate the "IF", k? So it goes like this for example...and you fill in the blanks according to your desired outcome of course.

Be. Do. Have.

I will be [mental attitude].

I will do [action].

I will have [desired reality].

Frequency first, action after. You have to program your mind to believe that what you're doing has valuable purpose, not just temporary adrenaline or a "goal" that will need to be reached. You have to believe you are in the goal. You are in your ideal lifestyle currently happening. You woke up in that bitch like, today.

You make the rules...There is no truth other than what the subconscious mind accepts as truth.

Are you following me though? 

So whatever rules and truths you tell yourself and believe are the rules you'll live your life by. If you tell yourself , "damn, I'm always broke" guess what sis..i knooowww. Yea, change that one please lmao dont say that! You're creating and reminding yourself of the rule you've set in your own reality that you are always broke. Now if you were to say "I'm always receiving enough money to afford what I need plus some extra to enjoy life". You have now changed the rules...k next

You can't have what you need.

Need = Importance = Space

When you really need something and it's very important to you, the bigger the space. The less important or urgent the need, the smaller the space. Space here is referencing the distance between you and your desired reality. You have to collapse the importance of your need. Minimize the importance, minimize the space between you and your desired reality. Basically, don't stress and obsess. You're wasting energy. You have to understand the desire is like a wall or middleman between you and what you want. Get rid of the middleman...Let it rock and trust that your desired reality is in the present.

Strongest Frequency Wins

This is your ability to maintain conviction in your desired reality already existing. You ever see those people who everyone calls crazy, but they firmly believe in their shit, 5 yrs later, where are they? yea...where are you? MmHmm...on your way to your desired reality too, that's where lol.

Similar to how religious people believe in the Good Word...that's how you need to believe in your desired reality...no convincing you otherwise. You have to be the stronger frequency...stronger than the nay-sayers lol

Reality doesn't care if you are nice...

This one is hard for me lmao, but Imma try, okay?? Matter of fact, I'm going to overcome and grow past my hyper awareness of how I make others feel. Your frequency is what counts...your mental attitude, your self-concept. You have to be emotionally convinced, not just mentally. Who are you emotionally convinced that you are. Who do you truly believe you are. That is your truth/reality, not what others think. Unless you believe what they say or use the opinions of other to determine who you are (but we're not doing that, riiiight?lol🤨). Most "bad people" have high frequencies and strong self-concepts. They believe in their potential within their reality and so, they succeed in creating their reality, by any means necessary. They're "frequency" is stronger...strong enough to override trained morality, manners, ethics, whatever. Nice people like me, putting others first, considering how my actions or growth will please or displease others...lowers my universal frequency, aka my strength to get closer to my desired reality. 

So today, we're being mindful of this right here:

You can only have what you already have...You can only have what you already have.

I can only have what I already have.

💚