Navy Blue

 Not sure what to write today so I looked up some random thought-provoking prompts...and no, not chat gpt related lol. This first one stood out to me because I also paint. Color, writing, feelings. The perfect trifecta.

 What color does anger have?

Anger is a mix of colors for me. A swirl of feelings that are trying to rationalize what's going on...

I'm not an angry person usually so I don't know. The world is green to me, or orange, yellow, peach, pink, white, blue, indigo...I don't associate anger with any of these. Black is emptiness, maybe that could count. Black technically isn't even a color, so does it count?

What color is anger? Is it red? I would think so becasue in cartoons, the characters turn red in the face when they're mad/angry...but other times red is love or romance, maybe lust....

Anger as a color...is it a warm tone because your blood pressure is up? Is is a cool tone because your dangerously low in vibrational energy? 

All of those things considered I think I may have my answer and I'm interested in hearing yours...in the comments :D 

To me, anger is deep navy blue. It's dark, but not quite black...a hint of sadness or disappointment showing through ever-so-slightly, letting you know it's not completely absent of light but it's not feeling the brightest. I believe anger and sadness are very closely related...connected to a sense of loss, hopelessness, desperation, yearning to witness and experience what it's like to be understood.

That's what I see when I feel anger. 

Navy Blue.

💚deena

Remixxxxxx lmao

Navy Blue. 

My dad is retired military and his time serving our country were some of the angriest years of my life. When you're active duty, you're out on a ship in the ocean away from your family, home for a lil while then off to explore the unknown...alone. I resented my dad for leaving me there, well...here lol. As a child, I was missing fun times and laughs with my dad but as a teen, the roots of the time we lost began to sprout contempt, anguish, rebellion, self-hate...I dont know, it was a dark uh...dark blue time haha. Very lonely and isolated. Like a ship in the ocean. In some ways, maybe my dad and I were/are alike in that aspect. I'm not sure if he's felt anger when he reminisces on that time of his life. I'm sure the memories are bittersweet...seeing the world, meeting new people with your coworkers who are essentially your family now. While homeboy was thriving and saving the world as my hero, I witnessed my mom struggling to find a network of good people she could thrive with...well she found them. Keeping them was a whole nother story...and also, more importantly, not my business lmao When you have one parent who's always "on", that parent becomes the one no one wants to upset. You don't want to bother them, you see they already have a tense, overloaded demeanor and a schedule that doesn't allow for casual chat...especially because my mom had 3 of us, my sister and I having an 11 yr age gap, my brother and I 5 yrs apart. Summers, my stepbrothers stayed with us, she housed foster children for a little while at some point for extra money.

One girl tried to jump out of our Camry while we drove 70 mph on 95S to take her to her counseling appointment. The same girl who asked to wear my new bathing suit. I turned 11 that year and finally was aloud to have a 2-piece. Bright orange with yellow and peach sunset clouds, a pattern of palm tree silhouettes all over. I said yea, she could wear it but only to try it on. 

She went to the bathroom to put it on, came back with it in her hand. I thought it didn't fit but no, shit in my bathing suit and gave it back just like that. Looked me in my face

 In all of that, with all of those moving pieces, I learned how to lay low and stay out of the way. Handle things on my own so I don't add stress to other people. If someone looks irritated with me, I will back up. If I'm ignored, it's not a big deal to me. I'm literally conditioned to move tf on and figure it out. If it's important it'll work itself out on its own...wooowwww yall. revelations of a middle child lmfao That's interesting because even now, I really struggle with asking for help. I literally dread asking for it. I will try everything in my power to solve my concerns before I ask for a favor. Or I'll ask if someone can teach me so I wont have to bother them again. Which is crazy because maybe my life could've been different if I asked for help more. Truly uncomfortable though. At work, people see me as someone who gets the job done...but really, I don't ever include relying on anyone besides myself  when I make a plan. Especially if there's something that needs to be done. which is why some of the things on my list don't get done lmao. I basically volunteer for a disaster and enjoy the torture that I put myself through to create beautiful, efficient, successful outcomes. 

K, navy blue. You're angry but, a real one haha. k, thats all for today folks.🥰