Loneliness

 Before we get started here...I'm not lonely. That's the name of the prompt from the book I'm working through...The Magic Words :)

After smiling all day,

I walk through the front door of my house and drown among the noises.

No one knows where I am.

And then I hear it:

the bickering of the children,

the beep of the oven in the kitchen,

and I am awakened. 

I am finally here.

No one knows where I am.

This is true for me. Initially I didnt think I was lonely lmao after this exercise, momming is a lonely life.

I'm not a stay-at-home mom but that life aint for me. A working mom is barely the life for me lol. Luckily, I've raised children I can love and that love me back...helps the role seem a little less daunting, Anywho, going to work in a solitary career (I'm a budget keeping baddie) and then coming home to take care of wild animals feels never-ending. I'm always doing for others...and even though I'm never "alone", i do feel lonely in my life sometimes. My only adult interaction is usually hostile lately...which is unfortunate because I tend to retreat and submit in those conversations...making me feel even more isolated and alone? ionno, I just want peace and laughs and I realize more and more every day that life's just not fucking like that. I can't get over it or understand why can't life be that way. Could it? If we all choose to just see it that way?...Delusion til there's no con in the fusion, they say. No one says that...just me. just now lol #bars

There are rare breaks where I can have a good laugh with a friend or substantial conversations about nothing that matters but something that matters, ya know what I mean? Interesting stuff...not just how's my day and my family. More like, what do you think about the theory that humans are aliens and migrated here from Mars? Yeea...that's my kind of chit-chat right there. Maybe a lil tea from my favorite show, Love After Lock Up...oh lawd if you aint watching it, you are SLEEP...and sleep is very good for you lmao really essential. Don't fall into trash TV. Dumpster diving is addicting when you stumble upon a gem haha

Most of my laughs come from "Hey mom, I have a joke..." and I'm sorry but I like to keep it honest here. My initial reaction in my mind is like ew stfu, its probably not even funny. I know it sounds harsh when you read it but I've never actually said that lol I don't want to hurt their feelings too badly. But should I be honest and tell my child their jokes dont cut it? I'm the funniest bitch in this house. Step your game up kid, this is trash.

No, I couldn't. But i should. I'd get a kick out of that...but like, if it were an outer-body experience. Not in real-time lmao. 

Annnyway