My Vlog

I need to get back on it...

I'm training in a new career field, going back to school, just getting out of bday/parents days/graduations/licenses season...also working on a special musical project...

Ya girl is exhausted.

Mentally. Physically, I'm straight lol I find with my vlog, because if my insane curiosity to learn shit that I don't know, I can't stay focused on one thing. Basketball, skating, Journaling, sewing, running,walking, rapping, entrepreneurship...I'm truly everywhere but in the same place, simultaneously. I want to get out of that funk because it breeds complacency. It's very much "oh ok I did it. Now what?"

I will say, my yoga videos get the most interaction. I like those because I don't have to talk... but I also like just talking to myself and getting ready. 

Wanna know one of my reasons fr 👀

Im a confident person, generally speaking. I don't wear make up and try to refrain from to much extra but I get discouraged when I edit and rewatch my footage sometimes. I'm very critical about things that no one else is probably even looking at. Like, for example "ew, my deodorant is showing through my shirt" or "omg, my zit is just twerking around in front this camera like a video vixen"

For context, I record every.single.day. sometimes it's worth editing, sometimes I critisize myself so nasty, I delete it. Hours of footage. What a waste of time and memory.

The solution would be to have a set intention before i start recording. 

Sounds easier than it is...for me lol. What can I say? Imma spontaneous girl...whatever comes to my heart is what I share. 

Lately my hearts not in the mood for sharing though so I've reached an impass. Classic cycle.... I get so excited to create, I detach from my "routine". Then my real life starts to fall apart so I have to drop my consistency and refocus on my routine, vs the dream. Then I get pissed at everything distracting me from my momentum and stop producing...not this time though. I can't. I see all my friends doing their thing and it inspires me. I love that...gets me going. Kinda like that time I got so hype, I convinced myself I could play basketball on a competitive level beyond H.O.R.S.E.

Lil side story here... I went to a camp called tree hill I think or sumn close to that. I was maybe 7 or 8? and I thought that games was "whores" for a long time. Not sure why...but the way my friend would say it, I didn't want to ask for clarification. I felt silly speaking up or asking what stuff meant back then. In fact, i wa so unsure of wtf they were playing, I never really played it lmfao i just hyped her up. "Who wants to play whores!?"...Nope. not me girl, my momma said I can't play that one cuz I have asthma lmao

A bathroom sink fell on that girl's head that summer and she had to get stitches. I always thought she was kinda mean but her brother went to the camp so I understood.  I'd be mean too if I had back up...even tho, for some reason,  when i think back....he was extremely flamboyant. I also had my first bologna and mayo sandwich here, learned bumper pool, and became heavily addicted to eating raw mustard packets like they were bite size gogurts... I was trading anything I could find in exchange for mustard. Rocls, hair beads, coins, battleship pieces, mancala marbles...for real. If they had hidden cameras, i imagine id look like a prison feign from 90 days in haha. Fast walking through the lunch area from person to person like "Yyyooooo, you gon eat that mustard nigga?👀😭 I hope no one from that camp finds me and remembers the mustard girl. I only stopped because one day, the girl that introduced me to bologna and mayo asked me if I like to brush my teeth lmfao like hold up hoe...hold. UP. haha

I loved that camp because my friends mom would go to the bread store on the way home and I'd get those snow balls...chocolate cake domes covered in marshmallow, covered in coconut flakes. So fucking gross to me now but them thangs hit harder than a microwaved honey bun that summer.

Sometimes if I'm fasting, I still eat mustard packets lmfao that shit is a delicious savory snack and I don't care if you agree. Tried ketchup like that but it's not pungent enough to make me forget I'm starving. Only supplement is slim.jim...maybe something Wasabi. What was I talking about?

Oh yes, my vlog. See what I mean? All over the place but nowhere at the same time...I don't mind it lol

 💚deena