Friday...the countdown begins

My birthday is on the 29th...which is Thursday but now that it's the Friday prior, in my head, it's a week away lol

Every day brings relief for me, not just the Fridays.

I loathe some days more than Mondays. I love some days more than Saturdays...depends on what my plans are, not what day of the week it is. 

Someone told me once, "If you don't like Mondays, plan some fun shit on a Monday." so I did. 

I give the best advice sometimes....heavy on the sometimes lol

I usually just advise in the direction of peace and enjoyment of time, life, people, memories. They're important to me. 

As I grow older and see the people around me grow, I feel sad that I don't know them and eager to make up for lost opportunities. 

I want to know what life threw at you...What did you catch and throw back? What hit you in the face and made you black out for a couple years? I want to compare our growth so I can cheer you on as you continue to swing at or catch what life pitches across the plate...i wanna know desperately to the point that it's probably creepy. Makes it worse because I'm aware that I'm a little creepy to some people and idgaf. They need to know I CARE ABOUT IT ALL! RAWR!! lmao

My kids, my parents, my siblings, my nieces and nephews, my aunts and cousins and uncles...we're all aging, growing, changing. Things that I used to look forward to, I'm too busy to enjoy...like birthdays and holidays. The people who used to make me smile from my soul are gone onto another lifetime or strangers to me...or I am a stranger to them. 

Some of these people, I haven't even met them yet but i want to get to know them in case I'm their guardian of wisdom. I'm not an angel, far from that lmao but I'd love to be a resource for the youth of my family to go to for advice, guidance, help, problem solving, guidance...whatever. Am I the only one who had people like that around me growing up?

I hope I'm not alone in this experience because wow, what an amazing life to have elders who don't take advantage of your youth. Adults who know what you may experience in this world and still insist you take a peek at the bright side as the right side...

I had a "Fab 5" could be more of course but my top 5 people come to mind whenever I get asked who influenced me the most in my life. Thinking about typing their names makes me choke up with tears that I'm not able to control. Silent, bold tears... the kind you let run down your face because the burn is too hot to stay in your tear ducts...just kinda boils over. Salty with body, sweet with soul, peaceful in mind...those tears. Bittersweet at it's finest. 

My uncle Bookie especially. I can't go too much further...won't be able to see my screen through the heaps of grief... I learned how to smile from him. Always reminded me to smile. I took that advice to heart. Not sure if it's because I was small and didn't get the power of this advice yet or because he had the best smile I've ever had the opportunity to witness. Who was I to deny the validity of his logic? Literally from ear to ear...so contagious, sometimes that's the only thing I see vividly when i think of his face...even through the blurred tears and fuzzy memory of the cadence of his voice, blended among others at our Mississippi family gatherings...the perfect gumbo. 

aggghhhh fuuucckkk cryiiinnggg at work is not gangster. brb.....

K, My aunt Robin is tied with my uncle probably lol. Looking back, I only remember funny, sly, shit talking and lots and lots of love. The realest, purest love you'll ever receive. I want to be that for the generation that follows me. I owe it to the universe to at least be open to the opportunity to be that person for someone.

My uncle Mark is my ultimate peace guru lol. Literally stopped me from digging myself into the dark pits of self destruction and I am forever grateful. Forever. If anyone had to take credit for teaching me how to be my authentic self...it's my Uncle Mark...Mr. "Okay, and who are they??" lmao 

My Grandma Louise is another face I knew for a short time but made lasting impression on me. I see her sometimes when I clean lol. Beautiful woman...her laugh, her spirit...we're connected. I remember her really rocking solid with me when I was pregnant with my second child in highschool. That was a looonely, low low low time. I used to sneak to the library at Parker just to write to her via my journal. I read some of those entries from time to time when I reorganize my closet. 

Some of yall owe Louise a thank you and a prayer because ma'am or sir, you were spared by my ancestors...TRULY fucking spared lmfao.

My sister is the last piece to my fab 5 line-up. My literal go-to for all of my stuff classified as "Am I trippin orr...." lmao or just anything really. She's so peaceful and sober, we balance each other very well lmao.

Do you have people in your life who taught you something by accident? By just being themselves and genuinely wanting good things for your life... or maybe just by sharing the good things about their life?

I'll share this with you guys...

If you're ever down bad...like down down bad and need some reflective work, look in the mirror and think of where you were immediately before you fell (and were aware of the fall lol) like when shit was sweet and speak to that version of you. Genuine open conversation like you're visiting from the future...

"Hey, you dont know this yet but you're about to be living in your car but it's going to be ok because..."

or 

"You bout to lose your job girl, but it's ok, that place was disrupting your peace. Now you have those 8 hours to work on...."

Mastering this technique has allowed me to not only manifest a positive reality but also become an elite problem solver. Not a math problems...still a lil rough with that but like, "Oh shit" problems lol I'm aaight with those. 

Also learning from the mistakes of others can count also. I think that's why younger siblings seem to be more successful or distant...they witnessed what not to do and moved accordingly. That's cool i guess but I wasn't the youngest lmao and I took my job as example setter VERY fuckin seriously....so you're welcome younger brother lmao

But yes....Thank yall for reading this.

I'm relvealing more than what most people get in person. I guess I rely on no one reading anymore. This is not a scrolling and trolling zone. This is for true appreciators of creation, revelation, introspective reflections and self awareness type shit ya know...not much of us left so welcome. Please stay. We're far and few between.

If you have a youtube or blog or music or...anything creative, let me know in the comments below. How can I follow or subscribe to you?

We'd all love to support you...especially me cuz I get it lol

With love...

💚deena