Have you ever had an unwavering urge to do something, but it doesn't support your comfort?
What I mean by that is...your dreams or goals require you to sacrifice your comfortable, established routine.
Yall know I've always had a thing for creating and it would be a dream to put all of my ideas into action but I'm afraid to move. Crippled. It frustrates me to feel this way because I do believe in myself but I'm afraid of how things might change for me. That's wild! I literally am feeling myself stopping myself. It's not a thought or a belief or anything. I love my imagination, and I think my shit is amazing lol I'm crippled by the fear of people getting to know me. I don't want to "over-share", which is a very relative phrase. What may be "over" to some, may be fine to others. That's where the over thinking happens..."oh no, what will this person think of me if they know I feel this way" or "I don't want to offend so-n-so" or whatever! all these crazy thoughts about how I'm perceived or judged start to over-ride my natural expressions or desires. This is probably because I've made the error of inviting co-workers to my social media and now, I'm trying to maintain a professional boundary. As a recovering people-pleaser, the struggle is real for me. I'm not worried what strangers may think, I over think how my professional relationships might lose their value. Which brings me to my next point...
I'm torn between chasing my dream and climbing the corporate ladder.
I've never seen myself as a white-collar type of person. I enjoy being myself and don't like the idea of having a "work self" and my real self. That's hard to balance sometimes for me. It can go left or right...it's worked well for me when I'm the minority in an office space but eventually, I feel under stimulated and get bored. Also, I know I'm meant for something bigger and more impactful than working for someone else's goals.
My current career is lowkey with great benefits and it's helping to provide a stable life for my family. What I WANT to do will require some sacrifices and discomfort.
For example, I don't really like social media. It sucks up my time and I don't like the sensation that comes with "likes"...but what I want to do requires me to put myself out there. Putting myself out there. Sometimes when I'm editing videos or pasting the link to this journal on my Instagram, I ask myself in my best Drake voice, "What am I doin? What am I doin??" I lowkey want to filter who gets to know me and who can only know what I want them to know, ya know?
...I do tell myself I've been doing more than I would normally do and I'm proud of myself for that. I feel good but I know it's bare minimum. I'm putting in enough effort to say ok, I did do it though. I want to give myself more than the bare minimum. I deserve my full support and effort. I need to lock in and be that crazy mf that legends are made of.
Do I have what "it" takes? Whatever that means...I'm not trying to be the next big rapper. I do that for fun. The real dream? I want to be a successful entrepreneur with a lucrative business that I'm able to franchise all over the world. I want a flexible schedule, and I want to generate enough business to support my family and maintain financial gains that will allow me to double or triple my customer base with quality customer service. that doubt or am I being realistic? I don't know...thoughts be fucking me up, man.
I tricked myself into believing I don't know where to start. I do know where to start, but it's uncomfortable and I'm avoiding it. I read somewhere that overcoming self doubt could be as simple as choosing a phrase to say in times of crippling self-doubt. I'm gonna try it.
I'm going to start telling myself...
"Do it and see what happens."
Let's start there?✊
💚deena
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