Not sure why but how can you not "Be Op-ti-mis-tic!" listening to this? IJS...
With my 9-5 environment a little haywire lately, this song is a good balance to helping me stay positive and cheerful. Not "happy"...I've learned the word "happy" is a relative term and so is the feeling of "happiness"...it's all subjective of course.
Speaking of happiness...(relatively speaking, of course), I'm receiving our outfits tomorrow for the upcoming reunion in NC. It's African Attire for the theme this year and I ain't gon lie...I was extremely skeptical about participating.
I have my reasons...
One, I don't know if I'm all the way African for sure...and if I am, which region am I from? That makes a difference in what I wear to this gathering, ya kno?
Secondly....Africans wear what Americans wear these days and they're extremely stylish and developed, contrary to popular belief.
The dashiki patterns are a trend right now, being black is a trend, locs are a trend...like, I get it.
So I'm going along with this for the fun of it but I'd be more comfortable participating if my family said, "We got the results and we're (Blank)% Ethiopian and (Blank)% other stuff! Lets celebrate in our best Ethiopian attire!" I could rock with that more soundly...or with less skepticism rather. I've grown to understand that family is valuable...whether for tradition, recipes, stories, bloodline, heritage, whatever. Having someone you can shamelessly talk to without judgment...we're all raised under the same jurisdiction, so they 'get it' (whatever "it" is). I'd feel more accepting if my sister checked me than if my coworker did it...same tone, same checkage...different ties.
With this baby coming along, I'm surprised at how nervous I am about the future. I guess when I'm filling out my medical history, I'm realizing wow...I'm going to have 4 kids! That's more than my mom pushed out. 4 is a nice number but what if I decide to have another! or another...Never imagined I'd have children...plural. I thought maybe one...no 5 year old girl is like yea I want 10 kids. Hell...no 15 yr. old girl says that shit either lmao
I'm not only amazed at what my body has been capable to grow and nourish...but I'm also proud of my growth mentally and spiritually. I'm not the most well-rounded, holiest bitch in the bunch, but I'm one positive vibe having, optimistic, logical muhfugga! See? How empowering was that!?
Today Cardi released her video for Pressed...
I'm a little disappointed because I don't know if I want to watch it. I've been disconnecting from main stream messages these last couple weeks and listening to positive messages, avoiding my ratchet reality shows, avoiding Dojo's bomb ass outfits on the gram...just to gather my ground mentally again. Virtual world shit is draining to follow and keep up with...except this. I'm not draining myself by blogging because I'm low-key normal and high-key relatable. I don't have much controversy or an audience either, which is more of a blessing than a curse unless I choose to make this a lucrative hobby. Whenever I put money on my hobbies or creative outlets...it really bums me out from continuing to create. I lose my juice...so much pressure squeezes all the creative juice from my green-tinted orange of a brain.
If I were to revisit rap music in a few year and hear some of my metaphors I'd flip out. Good flip, bad flip, I'm flippin...that's all I know lol.
So while I'm rapidly typing, my coworker is wondering what I'm up to lmao...
I wonder what she thinks I'm doing?...
Writing a novel
Doing homework for a degree I'm not currently in the process of seeking
Writing about my day...well, what kind of day would Deena be having she'd ask herself...
...could be a shit day, a shitty day, a shit-show day, or my day could be the shit. Flip it how it may, shit happens
Maybe I'm jotting down notes of all the reasons I should stay employed instead of her? nahh...I aint THAT petty...while pregnant lmao
I could be writing books...I SHOULD be writing books.
I could be typing my updated resume
Maybe she thinks I'm trying to annoy her by typing fast and loud...she's partially correct if that's what she's thinking
Maybe she thinks I'm ACTUALLY working bwahahaha!!! whew....good one!
Speaking of things I should do, I want to record some positive affirmation type phrases to brain wash myself but I don't know what I want to wash myself with...good health? money? financial wisdom? good parenting? chill persona? better relationships with friends? better communication skills? better debate skills?? I'd love to be a great debater. I'd conquer a few more marital word battles if I weren't such a softy...call me Keke cuz I be deeeep in my feelings lmao...don't call me Keke. I have a friend named Keke and that would get weird...real quick.
My kitchen lights just finished upgrading in my Cooking Fever Bistro...Gotta go tend to my customers!
xoxo,
Deena
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