Come tomorrow, I'll have a solid 2 weeks of pregnancy left and I must admit, this pregnancy was more difficult than the 2 in high school. It's no mystery to me as of why it feels that way; I even suspected this pregnancy would be difficult. In high school, I didn't have bills, I was living with my parents, I could wake up and not go to school and no one would notice or worry about me. Now, as an adult, I have to wake up to cook and provide for my other 2 girls, I have to do my share in bringing in money to the household, I can't just disappear from work and come back when I feel like it...I suppose I could but that's just not my character.
Back to the pregnancy, I'm saddened to admit this but I'm truly miserable at this point. The only thing that can make me happy is literally holding this healthy child in my hands at this point. I went from 135 to over 200 pounds (and it's only from the waist up)! I feel horrible...like a blob of hot gas and emotional distress. The crazy part is, I actually had trouble eating during this pregnancy and I've gained more weight than I did while I was pregnant with Lizzy and Tina combined!
Don't get me wrong, pregnancy is beautiful and I'm thankful to be able to grow and provide life to my baby. The side effects are the ugly parts that no one seems to remember while congratulating you. I've been trying to keep this to myself but my sister did challenge me to write about my pregnancy, but a few out-of-the-ordinary things have occurred recently that I've been embarrassed to share with the internet:
I've picked up a habit of eating baby powder and watermelon seeds.
Yes, just the seeds are important to me. I actually get really fussy in the grocery store if all they have are seedless watermelons. Who came up with that anyway?? Must've been a northerner because, being raised in the south, I'm fully aware of how essential the seeds are inside of that watermelon. How else will you know who can spit the seeds the furthest on a hot summer day? How else will you taunt your friends and siblings with the thought of swallowing a watermelon seed making you grow a watermelon in your belly? Plus, watermelons with seeds are sweeter, and normal...Usually after this rant, someone in the store will find me a watermelon with seeds. The first time I found myself begging for a seeded watermelon, I felt a little embarrassed because people will be nosey and look at you while you try to handle your business, especially when your pregnant. (I'm happy I wasn't surrounded by anyone who felt the urge to turn me into an internet sensation.) Eventually, after seeing me 2 or 3 times, my grocery store moved the seeded watermelons to the front of the fruit section where they were clearly labeled. I'm not sure if that was solely for ME because I'm sure other naturally southern people were verbal about the missing selection of normal watermelons.
And the baby powder.... I can explain it very well actually. Whether you understand or not, that's another story; that's YOUR story.
Somewhere along my pregnancy, maybe month 6 when the weather got warmer, I realized that I was uncomfortably round. My belly would rub the top of my thighs when I sat down in most standard seating, my breast would sweat and smell like baby milk, the back of my knees would sweat, that flap between my armpit and my bra strap was always slick...there was just too much going on. I invested in a large container of baby powder and powdered my problem areas and everything was great! One day I noticed how wonderful and clean baby powder smells, and how soft and smooth a pile of it feels in my hand. It feels cold and puffy, like an ice cloud of dry snow. After that day, I would apply my powder, then pack a small scoop in a zip-lock bag to play with while I was out and about or at work or whatever. Next thing I know I had some left on my hands from my morning zip-lock fix and I, for whatever reason I'm not sure of, licked my finger. This was 3 weeks ago. Now I eat about a tablespoon or so over the course of a day maybe, give or take. I keep it by my bed at night because that's when I crave it the most. I keep some next to the toilet in a plastic container because sometimes Malcolm is awake when I'm craving the powder so I pretend to go use the restroom and get my fix. I was carrying it in my purse but I was careless in public and got mistaken for a mother with a bad coke habit by an idiot tyrant in the dollar store. Before any of you panic, I did tell my doctor what was going on about a week ago. They did a hemoglobin test and found that my iron is low. I also Googled a few things and that's where the watermelon seeds come in. Apparently, they're packed with vitamins and iron. Now I'm taking iron pills and I'm sad because I was starting to enjoy the taste of baby powder and now I can feel my craving's frequency declining. It's a little bittersweet (losing the craving, not the baby powder, that stuff is the bomb) but I'll manage I guess.
On the brighter side, I've been craving all sorts of decadent desserts: banana pudding, candy apples, churros, strawberry cheesecake, peach cobbler, apple pie, ice cream, cinnamon rolls covered in icing...wow. Just, wow. The thought of these things makes my baby giggle. I can't eat these though. Mostly because I don't want to pay for a half-ass version of any of these things. I want to buy it, and know that it will exceed beyond my expectations of delicious satisfaction. Secondly, I never realized how pricey these things were for such small portions. So, to save my money and my pants size, I'm going to eat my oats with honey and fresh fruit to help my sweet tooth settle down...but man, peach cobbler?? I could eat it for DAYS....apple pie? OMG I need to stop before I have a severe mental crisis over here.
What a perfect segway! Speaking of mental crisis, I'm getting really nervous about delivering this child. She's huge, I'm tiny. I'm praying to my universe-God that she will trust in me to deliver her through the natural canal safely. I really don't want a C-section. I haven't heard any horror stories that helped me form this opinion but I personally believe my baby should come from "within" if possible. I want to actually "give birth". Something about human interference with child delivery doesn't sit well with me. I'm going to try my best to stay calm and send her through so they don't have to cut me open. I don't do well with hospitals or blood or seeing anything outside of my body that's supposed to be inside. I'm not squeamish, I won't get light-headed or vomit, but I'd just rather not see that shit. The last 2 pregnancies are a blur because I was a child and wasn't able to take in the full experience as being one of beauty and joy. I think I forgot everything on purpose, maybe. This time, I'm scared. I assumed it would be a breeze and that I know what my body is capable of. My sister-in-law just had her 3rd baby, a son. She had her last child 10+ years ago though and this time, she had to have an emergency C-section. I don't want that. Well, maybe it's the "emergency" part that freaks me out but I just wanna roll in, get to pushin', stitch me up and roll me and my baby back out.
Plus, my doctor has been slacking since maybe my 3rd visit back in March. Every time I go in, he seems as if he doesn't remember me. That's not offensive to me, I'm sure he has plenty of clients. You have my chart in your hand though! Why so many recurring questions?? How far along am I, this is baby number...how old is the youngest baby, what's my blood type, am I having a boy or a girl....like, cum'mon dude. EVERY TIME?! You don't write this down? What are you scribbling over there if it's not the answers to these questions? I see you every week now, you need to know me. Nice guy, just seems forgetful. All I need him to remember is my blood type and that I need an epidural and low lighting in my delivery room. You don't even really gotta know my first name like that, son. It doesn't matter if I'm having a boy or a girl because when the baby comes out, whether you guessed it right or not will be irrelevant as long as my child is healthy and able to survive and come home with me. Whenever I had my last baby doesn't matter very much either, she's out and about, can wipe, clean and feed herself at this point. I need my doctor to focus on this baby because this is not like any of my other pregnancies. The crying, the cravings, the mood swings, the numbness of my legs and feet, the swelling, the weight gain, this is all like a first pregnancy to me and I need my doctor to act like I'm good to go, just for the sake of my sanity right now. Another thing that bothered me a little bit is the wait time. When I set my appointment, I get called to a room maybe 30-45 minutes later and don't see the doctor for another 45-60 minutes later. I literally get seen an hr and a half after my scheduled appointment every single time. there is no in and out at this place for some reason. You can show up early, you can show up late, you can show up a day ahead, you'll still be seen an hour and a half AFTER your scheduled appointment. The last time I went, after waiting for so long and being irritated beyond my control, I walked to the front desk and asked to reschedule my appointment to a day and time where I'd be the only patient because I'd been in a room waiting for over an hour now. I was immediately seen by my doc and was out in like 10 minutes, maybe 15. Crazy, right! So my next appointment is Wednesday and hopefully the understand I'm not someone who enjoys waiting in the doctor's office for that long. I'm very patient though, I've tolerated this poor time management for 8 months now...I'm just reaching my breaking point now that my appointments are weekly instead of bi-weekly or once/month. It's frustrating to be stuck in there and have someone watching the girls for all that time. A 10 minutes visit takes almost 3 hours when I include the traffic and my commute back and forth. It's almost over. 2 more visits and it's over. 2 more weeks and it's over. 14 days and I'll be holding my baby.
Back to the pregnancy, I'm saddened to admit this but I'm truly miserable at this point. The only thing that can make me happy is literally holding this healthy child in my hands at this point. I went from 135 to over 200 pounds (and it's only from the waist up)! I feel horrible...like a blob of hot gas and emotional distress. The crazy part is, I actually had trouble eating during this pregnancy and I've gained more weight than I did while I was pregnant with Lizzy and Tina combined!
Don't get me wrong, pregnancy is beautiful and I'm thankful to be able to grow and provide life to my baby. The side effects are the ugly parts that no one seems to remember while congratulating you. I've been trying to keep this to myself but my sister did challenge me to write about my pregnancy, but a few out-of-the-ordinary things have occurred recently that I've been embarrassed to share with the internet:
I've picked up a habit of eating baby powder and watermelon seeds.
Yes, just the seeds are important to me. I actually get really fussy in the grocery store if all they have are seedless watermelons. Who came up with that anyway?? Must've been a northerner because, being raised in the south, I'm fully aware of how essential the seeds are inside of that watermelon. How else will you know who can spit the seeds the furthest on a hot summer day? How else will you taunt your friends and siblings with the thought of swallowing a watermelon seed making you grow a watermelon in your belly? Plus, watermelons with seeds are sweeter, and normal...Usually after this rant, someone in the store will find me a watermelon with seeds. The first time I found myself begging for a seeded watermelon, I felt a little embarrassed because people will be nosey and look at you while you try to handle your business, especially when your pregnant. (I'm happy I wasn't surrounded by anyone who felt the urge to turn me into an internet sensation.) Eventually, after seeing me 2 or 3 times, my grocery store moved the seeded watermelons to the front of the fruit section where they were clearly labeled. I'm not sure if that was solely for ME because I'm sure other naturally southern people were verbal about the missing selection of normal watermelons.
And the baby powder.... I can explain it very well actually. Whether you understand or not, that's another story; that's YOUR story.
Somewhere along my pregnancy, maybe month 6 when the weather got warmer, I realized that I was uncomfortably round. My belly would rub the top of my thighs when I sat down in most standard seating, my breast would sweat and smell like baby milk, the back of my knees would sweat, that flap between my armpit and my bra strap was always slick...there was just too much going on. I invested in a large container of baby powder and powdered my problem areas and everything was great! One day I noticed how wonderful and clean baby powder smells, and how soft and smooth a pile of it feels in my hand. It feels cold and puffy, like an ice cloud of dry snow. After that day, I would apply my powder, then pack a small scoop in a zip-lock bag to play with while I was out and about or at work or whatever. Next thing I know I had some left on my hands from my morning zip-lock fix and I, for whatever reason I'm not sure of, licked my finger. This was 3 weeks ago. Now I eat about a tablespoon or so over the course of a day maybe, give or take. I keep it by my bed at night because that's when I crave it the most. I keep some next to the toilet in a plastic container because sometimes Malcolm is awake when I'm craving the powder so I pretend to go use the restroom and get my fix. I was carrying it in my purse but I was careless in public and got mistaken for a mother with a bad coke habit by an idiot tyrant in the dollar store. Before any of you panic, I did tell my doctor what was going on about a week ago. They did a hemoglobin test and found that my iron is low. I also Googled a few things and that's where the watermelon seeds come in. Apparently, they're packed with vitamins and iron. Now I'm taking iron pills and I'm sad because I was starting to enjoy the taste of baby powder and now I can feel my craving's frequency declining. It's a little bittersweet (losing the craving, not the baby powder, that stuff is the bomb) but I'll manage I guess.
On the brighter side, I've been craving all sorts of decadent desserts: banana pudding, candy apples, churros, strawberry cheesecake, peach cobbler, apple pie, ice cream, cinnamon rolls covered in icing...wow. Just, wow. The thought of these things makes my baby giggle. I can't eat these though. Mostly because I don't want to pay for a half-ass version of any of these things. I want to buy it, and know that it will exceed beyond my expectations of delicious satisfaction. Secondly, I never realized how pricey these things were for such small portions. So, to save my money and my pants size, I'm going to eat my oats with honey and fresh fruit to help my sweet tooth settle down...but man, peach cobbler?? I could eat it for DAYS....apple pie? OMG I need to stop before I have a severe mental crisis over here.
What a perfect segway! Speaking of mental crisis, I'm getting really nervous about delivering this child. She's huge, I'm tiny. I'm praying to my universe-God that she will trust in me to deliver her through the natural canal safely. I really don't want a C-section. I haven't heard any horror stories that helped me form this opinion but I personally believe my baby should come from "within" if possible. I want to actually "give birth". Something about human interference with child delivery doesn't sit well with me. I'm going to try my best to stay calm and send her through so they don't have to cut me open. I don't do well with hospitals or blood or seeing anything outside of my body that's supposed to be inside. I'm not squeamish, I won't get light-headed or vomit, but I'd just rather not see that shit. The last 2 pregnancies are a blur because I was a child and wasn't able to take in the full experience as being one of beauty and joy. I think I forgot everything on purpose, maybe. This time, I'm scared. I assumed it would be a breeze and that I know what my body is capable of. My sister-in-law just had her 3rd baby, a son. She had her last child 10+ years ago though and this time, she had to have an emergency C-section. I don't want that. Well, maybe it's the "emergency" part that freaks me out but I just wanna roll in, get to pushin', stitch me up and roll me and my baby back out.
Plus, my doctor has been slacking since maybe my 3rd visit back in March. Every time I go in, he seems as if he doesn't remember me. That's not offensive to me, I'm sure he has plenty of clients. You have my chart in your hand though! Why so many recurring questions?? How far along am I, this is baby number...how old is the youngest baby, what's my blood type, am I having a boy or a girl....like, cum'mon dude. EVERY TIME?! You don't write this down? What are you scribbling over there if it's not the answers to these questions? I see you every week now, you need to know me. Nice guy, just seems forgetful. All I need him to remember is my blood type and that I need an epidural and low lighting in my delivery room. You don't even really gotta know my first name like that, son. It doesn't matter if I'm having a boy or a girl because when the baby comes out, whether you guessed it right or not will be irrelevant as long as my child is healthy and able to survive and come home with me. Whenever I had my last baby doesn't matter very much either, she's out and about, can wipe, clean and feed herself at this point. I need my doctor to focus on this baby because this is not like any of my other pregnancies. The crying, the cravings, the mood swings, the numbness of my legs and feet, the swelling, the weight gain, this is all like a first pregnancy to me and I need my doctor to act like I'm good to go, just for the sake of my sanity right now. Another thing that bothered me a little bit is the wait time. When I set my appointment, I get called to a room maybe 30-45 minutes later and don't see the doctor for another 45-60 minutes later. I literally get seen an hr and a half after my scheduled appointment every single time. there is no in and out at this place for some reason. You can show up early, you can show up late, you can show up a day ahead, you'll still be seen an hour and a half AFTER your scheduled appointment. The last time I went, after waiting for so long and being irritated beyond my control, I walked to the front desk and asked to reschedule my appointment to a day and time where I'd be the only patient because I'd been in a room waiting for over an hour now. I was immediately seen by my doc and was out in like 10 minutes, maybe 15. Crazy, right! So my next appointment is Wednesday and hopefully the understand I'm not someone who enjoys waiting in the doctor's office for that long. I'm very patient though, I've tolerated this poor time management for 8 months now...I'm just reaching my breaking point now that my appointments are weekly instead of bi-weekly or once/month. It's frustrating to be stuck in there and have someone watching the girls for all that time. A 10 minutes visit takes almost 3 hours when I include the traffic and my commute back and forth. It's almost over. 2 more visits and it's over. 2 more weeks and it's over. 14 days and I'll be holding my baby.
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