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The time I felt betrayed....

I'm officially converting this thing into a source specifically for writing exercises. I realized now that I'm married and expecting, enjoy my job and others around me, I have nothing significantly "entertaining" to inspire my semi-humorous rants. Today's Random Writing topic is provided by an awesome app that I recently discovered through an ad while I waited for my lives to reload on Panda Pop. It's called writing exercises! haha yea, no shit, right? OK....

Day one:

Write for 10 minutes without stopping.

Random Subject:
Write about a time you felt betrayed. (Oh, the irony!...I'll explain)

Setting my timer for 10 minutes....

When I think of all the times I felt betrayed, the memories are extremely abstract and obscured. I'd like to think they occur to me this way because the majority of those times, I was the one betraying others. "Betray" is such a strong word and in hind sight, I don't feel that it would properly describe my actions from my perspective, but I'm sure others around me probably felt that was exactly the case. But, to stay on the topic, I'll do my best to find a time where I was, indeed, the betrayed and not the betrayer...

The most clear and definite time I can recall is having children so young. I feel as though I betrayed myself. Most of the time I've ever been betrayed, I must say, I did it to myself. I feel as though I betrayed my character and everything I had grown to "stand for" and believe in. I was always criticizing classmates and others around me for behaving promiscuously and then next thing you know, I'm "The Pregnant Girl" in school.I let myself down. I stepped out of character, thinking I knew who I was, and sacrificed my body and future goals and dreams for hopes of gaining respect and love from someone who, at the time, didn't know who he was either. As a result I had to endure a few circumstances that other girls my age couldn't understand or empathize with. By wanting to feel companionship, I ended up alone. Of course, at 14, everyone is always at fault. I blamed everyone around me for my situation and didn't realize that I had choices and wasn't happy with the results of those choices. I brought this on myself. I don't even blame my boyfriend at the time. I could've easily avoided him, and trying to live like an adult with only a child's life experiences. I feel like I betrayed my true potential because I am extremely talented with a good heart and a curious mind. I love to learn and had dreams of accomplishing many things academically that became, not impossible, but very difficult to achieve for myself. Even now, today, I feel like I continue to deny myself the opportunities to do "better" because I lost the part of myself that believes I can complete something. I get easily discouraged and almost purposely distracted with "life".

2 comments:

  1. Awesome work! Thank you for being courageous enough to expose your life through writing. I look forwards to reading more of your work.
    God bless
    Sharrell Thomas

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Sharrell. I appreciate you taking the time to read :)

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