Hello to everyone out there in this mass univers referred to as the internet.
I miss blogging so very much but haven't had much time or mental clarity to do so. Lately I've been feeling a little down. Not with sadness but with self-discovery. Most may not inderstand what that entales but I'm trying to figure out what makes me uncomfotable.
I found it odd that I can express the deepest of feeling through this blog but have difficulty calling my own family sometimes and just talking. I feel a little horrible. I'm not sure what triggered my reflective mentality lately but I've been looking back on a few things and trying to analyze how everything got to be where it stands today. I feel such a disconnection between my very own siblings even. I realized that I only like my job because of the people here and how easy the work is, not because I have fun at work; not because I enjoy what I do. I realized that my morals have been tested in th past and I failed. I realized that half the time I've ever talked ill of anyone, I was truly talking about myself. I realized that there are things going on around me, mass movements, and I could care less because I know it will be forgotten and I'd hate to be a part of a "trending topic". I realized I dont enjoy participating in mass movements of charitable events. I love to give, I love to laugh, I love to write, I love to think, I love to solve problems and break things down from the "bigger picture" all the way to the hand that may or may not have painted it. I love to breathe, I love to run, I love to cook and bake and create. I love babies and their innocence, their purity. I love natural joy, natural humor. I love colors that evoke deep emotion like forrest greens, deep blues, calm purples and earthly browns. I love to travel. I love meeting people. I don't like large gatherings of people I don't know. I'd rather drive than fly. I'd rather run in an empty park on a rainy day instead of sleeping in. I'd rather watch movies than TV. I'd rather have a salad with berries than with dressing. I love hugs more than kisses and I like Margaritas more than Long Islands. I panic when I'm driving and someone is giving me directions. I don't like bonding or talking about my love-life. I am on the fence with being outgoing and very private, depending on the weather.I am imperfect. I learn quickly. I'm very easily swayed to beat myself up about small things. I value money unrealisticly, at least compared to how I value friendships i guess. Lots to adapt, change, and accept about myself...
I miss blogging so very much but haven't had much time or mental clarity to do so. Lately I've been feeling a little down. Not with sadness but with self-discovery. Most may not inderstand what that entales but I'm trying to figure out what makes me uncomfotable.
I found it odd that I can express the deepest of feeling through this blog but have difficulty calling my own family sometimes and just talking. I feel a little horrible. I'm not sure what triggered my reflective mentality lately but I've been looking back on a few things and trying to analyze how everything got to be where it stands today. I feel such a disconnection between my very own siblings even. I realized that I only like my job because of the people here and how easy the work is, not because I have fun at work; not because I enjoy what I do. I realized that my morals have been tested in th past and I failed. I realized that half the time I've ever talked ill of anyone, I was truly talking about myself. I realized that there are things going on around me, mass movements, and I could care less because I know it will be forgotten and I'd hate to be a part of a "trending topic". I realized I dont enjoy participating in mass movements of charitable events. I love to give, I love to laugh, I love to write, I love to think, I love to solve problems and break things down from the "bigger picture" all the way to the hand that may or may not have painted it. I love to breathe, I love to run, I love to cook and bake and create. I love babies and their innocence, their purity. I love natural joy, natural humor. I love colors that evoke deep emotion like forrest greens, deep blues, calm purples and earthly browns. I love to travel. I love meeting people. I don't like large gatherings of people I don't know. I'd rather drive than fly. I'd rather run in an empty park on a rainy day instead of sleeping in. I'd rather watch movies than TV. I'd rather have a salad with berries than with dressing. I love hugs more than kisses and I like Margaritas more than Long Islands. I panic when I'm driving and someone is giving me directions. I don't like bonding or talking about my love-life. I am on the fence with being outgoing and very private, depending on the weather.I am imperfect. I learn quickly. I'm very easily swayed to beat myself up about small things. I value money unrealisticly, at least compared to how I value friendships i guess. Lots to adapt, change, and accept about myself...
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