Some days I wake up and feel that I'm in the wrong state of mind; an unnatural place.
I feel like I am being held back by a force that is greater than I am able to understand or grasp. I wish to be as wise as I imagine myself to be and that wisdom will help me avoid uncomfortable situations. I know that somewhere inside of my mind, when I look at myself and accept who I may be as time time progresses, I am not who I want to be; I'm not happy.
I'm concerned with how I may appear to others and how my ideas of living happily may be frowned upon. I get fearful of being convinced I need a religion or a valid excuse as why I don't have one or need one. I am nervous that I will be judged by those who think they know WHO I am because what I've presented to them has become comfortable and familiar. Changing, growing, being myself at this point in life is rather stressful. I am not normal because I am not the same. I'd imagine that it may be difficult to truly be who you are in every aspect of your life because we all frown upon those who are not the same as we. Because I am quite aware of my own insecurities, it's difficult to not wonder how people may perceive my inner-being when I think of being honest with myself.
I find that I am finding it very easy and convenient to be the self-described hermit of my generation. I thought I liked the club scene because everyone else did, I thought I liked doing plenty of things that are stereo-typical, age-related activities. My younger brother, wise beyond his years, recently graduated high school and made the decision to explore past the boundaries set by the trend. I love him for that; for unknowingly inspiring me to push beyond the expectation. People should not congratulate you for doing what you're supposed to do. At some point in life, you are not that little kid getting rewarded for making it to the potty on time. At some point, recognition and congratulatory praise are at opposite ends of the spectrum. At some point, you have to do what you like to do, whether you'll get awarded or not. Achieving a goal should be self-driven.
That is where I lack.
As of today, I've already accomplished one goal of mine. This goal, I will not share because it is very personal but I am happy for myself and that may be all I need. Praise from the public for reaching a goal is a hindrance and a distraction. While you bask in the praise of those around you, it's easy to lose focus and difficult to gain momentum towards your next achievement in life. I am figuring out who I am and I like me. I like me to an extreme where I'm nervous for others to know the real me and try to taint who I am.
I do not believe in God, but I am a good person with morals and values based on my perspective of the world that surrounds me.
I love where my roots stem from.
I refuse to indulge in the news, as (I believe) it is all propoganda that is being fed to us as the truth. No one person, especially one offering an "opinion", will deliver factual information that is not in their favor.
I enjoy meditation.
I am socially awkward.
I'm sure there are many things about me that are just...me. I'm ok with that.
I'm ok with myself.
I feel like I am being held back by a force that is greater than I am able to understand or grasp. I wish to be as wise as I imagine myself to be and that wisdom will help me avoid uncomfortable situations. I know that somewhere inside of my mind, when I look at myself and accept who I may be as time time progresses, I am not who I want to be; I'm not happy.
I'm concerned with how I may appear to others and how my ideas of living happily may be frowned upon. I get fearful of being convinced I need a religion or a valid excuse as why I don't have one or need one. I am nervous that I will be judged by those who think they know WHO I am because what I've presented to them has become comfortable and familiar. Changing, growing, being myself at this point in life is rather stressful. I am not normal because I am not the same. I'd imagine that it may be difficult to truly be who you are in every aspect of your life because we all frown upon those who are not the same as we. Because I am quite aware of my own insecurities, it's difficult to not wonder how people may perceive my inner-being when I think of being honest with myself.
I find that I am finding it very easy and convenient to be the self-described hermit of my generation. I thought I liked the club scene because everyone else did, I thought I liked doing plenty of things that are stereo-typical, age-related activities. My younger brother, wise beyond his years, recently graduated high school and made the decision to explore past the boundaries set by the trend. I love him for that; for unknowingly inspiring me to push beyond the expectation. People should not congratulate you for doing what you're supposed to do. At some point in life, you are not that little kid getting rewarded for making it to the potty on time. At some point, recognition and congratulatory praise are at opposite ends of the spectrum. At some point, you have to do what you like to do, whether you'll get awarded or not. Achieving a goal should be self-driven.
That is where I lack.
As of today, I've already accomplished one goal of mine. This goal, I will not share because it is very personal but I am happy for myself and that may be all I need. Praise from the public for reaching a goal is a hindrance and a distraction. While you bask in the praise of those around you, it's easy to lose focus and difficult to gain momentum towards your next achievement in life. I am figuring out who I am and I like me. I like me to an extreme where I'm nervous for others to know the real me and try to taint who I am.
I do not believe in God, but I am a good person with morals and values based on my perspective of the world that surrounds me.
I love where my roots stem from.
I refuse to indulge in the news, as (I believe) it is all propoganda that is being fed to us as the truth. No one person, especially one offering an "opinion", will deliver factual information that is not in their favor.
I enjoy meditation.
I am socially awkward.
I'm sure there are many things about me that are just...me. I'm ok with that.
I'm ok with myself.
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