No thanks, I Enjoy Annoying Myself These Days...

 Im annoying myself lol

That's better feeling than it seems though. This usually is the sensation I feel before I elevate. Sitting in it is similar to sitting in a holding cell when you get arrested on a Saturday night and the judge isn't back until Monday.

You don't know that feeling? Good...I hope you can never relate lmao. It sucks though, I'll tell you that. Or maybe waiting for your mom to pick you up from the nurse's office but you're sick foreal and your class is going to play day...torture. Heavy FOMO lol

It's 4 am and I caught myself typing a long text about my feelings🤢🤮deleted that bitch with the swiftness...like select all, delete lmao

Feelings are probably the only thing I withhold from sharing publicly or in a way that could be public...I'd rather express in verbal words...like to your face or over the phone. I gotta make sure the inflection and intention is there and clear and not misunderstood. 

If I reveal my feelings about anything really, I'm nervous that I'll be misunderstood. I do  good job with articulating my feelings and that's not always accepted or welcomed lmao. Very very rare..based on my personal experience.

I'm just tryna feel in peace now...I read writing down all the things that disrupt your peace is helpful...

I hate getting cussed out/at.

I hate getting belittled.

I hate being gaslit. 

I hate being afraid to be honest. 

I hate feeling nervous to be myself.

I hate feeling muted. 

I hate feeling like what I'm saying or feeling isn't valued or important or accepted.

I hate that I'm sooo funny lmao

Being disregarded sucks ass.

Diminishing my values or tolerance for people instead of maintaining that energy across the board is aggy. Like, why doesn't my kill switch work for this person?

I hate being a piece of someone else's destructive patterns.

I hate being a burden or annoying to others.

I hate to feel like I'm in a space that wasn't welcoming or intended for me.

I hate being blocked or limited to my opportunities. Let me try tho...ya know?

I hate when people tell me what I'm incapable of learning, earning, or growing into because who tf are they to limit who tf I'm supposed to be?...i still be letting that shit get to me though lol

I hate wanting to leave and not being able to...in any capacity: parties, work, relationships, traffic...

I hate when I give, give, give and instead of reciprocity, it's expected that I just keep fucking giving 😭

I hate chewy pieces of chicken, soggy skin, veins, and gristle. Peace immediately disrupted lmao

Ok...now you write everything that does bring you peace and love...

I love my sense of humor.

I love my children,

I love that I'm a natural-born hustler/hard worker

I love that I'm a go-getter...is that the same?lol ionno

I love that I can sense intentions and energies...

I love that I'm forgiving...

I love that I love food

I love that I don't need alcohol to me myself

I love that I can articulate my feelings

I love that I am self-aware...or at least on an intentional journey to become more self-aware

I love that I have my siblings and parents with me on this earth

I love that my friends are true and life-long.

I love that I can grow.

I love to learn.

I love to create.

I love music of all genres.

I love sharing music...beautiful and interesting to see someone based on their musical interests. Especially when it's not typical mainstream...love it. If you're reading this, feel free to share music with me wheneverrrr, i eat that shit up. And yes, I listen to every song. I have a friend that sends me music every Saturday morning. She's younger than me but we have a lot in common with our love for music.

I love coaching and motivating others to grow.

I helping others find joy.

I love making people laugh.

I love nature...love it.

I love the sky...so mysterious to me. Beautiful af..morning, noon, or night 😊

I love when people check in on me...like to really check on me and not pivot into telling me about their day or woes. Like hold on bitch, I wasn't finished lmfao jkjk 👀

I love when I'm allowed to speak.

I love when I'm welcomed.

I love when my friendship is reciprocated.

I love feeding my children.

I love hosting parties for my kids.

I love family reunions...love these things to my core.

I love being who I am and I love it even more when I can do that around others.

I love vlogging/ talking to myself. I'm the best listener I know lol

I love when my kids are creative and proud to show/share what they create.

(they painted some rocks for my aunt's birthday and I thought it was the cutest thing. we didn't get her anything because I'm penny pinching but they went on the porch, grabbed some of her neighbor's rocks and painted them all on their own. Simple, I know. But, I was so impressed when they came back inside with those for her lmao)

I love to rest and sleep.

I love to meditate.

I love stretching, singing, dancing, drawing, painting...expressing.

I love when people don't read my blog bahahahaaa!😁jk...

I love when my friends support my shit though. I love that.

💚