Peace

Ok, ok, ok...after this one, I'm done self-loathing and over analyzing my woes. Promise 😁

I just want a peaceful life foreal. No lust, no drama, no...no problems. I just wanna wake up and stretch, write, sip my tea and read...

Mfs are disrespectful though...and it's odd sometimes. When someone says something crazy to me, I look at them and wonder, how did you think I'd respond to THAT...and why? lmao why did you think i was that type of person to keep eating shit tho? Can we discuss this further because I need to adjust the vibe if I gave you the impression that I was cool with x, y, and/or z...

I'm a peaceful person outwardly, but I allow others to disrupt the peace within myself. Probably can't tell from the outside but inside of my brain...[sigh]

I want my mind to rest. Always zooming and asking and solving and thinking and rethinking...not quite ruminating because I think about the unknown...the hasn't happened yet stuff...or the perception of how the universe has aligned me with certain circumstances or opportunities...stuff like that lol its a constant game of chess but it's not like, enjoyable or fun...at all lol. When I'm in that mode, I see myself as a greasy pale man with acne, a thinning comb-over and a hunched back. Glasses that are strong enough to increase the visible size of my eyes from the outside, looking in type shit...large black medical non slip shoes and matching calf-high socks...like...oh shit 😭 SpongeBob!? I think I've said that before tho..I am SpongeBob. Funny, optimistic, genuinely kind and not discouraged by feeling miserably reimbursed for my efforts...those things make me feel like I'm mildly annoying to others. Heavy on the mild sauce lol Very rare that I've met someone as an adult who visibly out verbally expressed a dislike for my presence. Always quite the opposite...which is funny because I literally have to hype myself up to be around groups of people, but I guess I've mastered how to make it work haha 

I don't think its anxiety because I'm not...anxious. Maybe I am? I don't fucking know sometimes. I just want to be left alone I think? I'm not alone enough...I need more time with myself, unbothered, uninterrupted. Once I catch up on that time, I'll be good to go...right? lol aaaggghhhh heellppp any medically trained professionals out there? if so, please kindly keep your opinion to yo mf self, hoe haha

Maybe I should affirm the things that I do want instead of damming the things that are pissing me tf off...

Then again, maybe not lmao It can only get better from here so, let's give it a try...

I am peaceful.

I am whole.

I love who I am and who I am growing to be.

I am okay with being alone.

I am happy with myself.

I have a creative mind, and I need to tap into that to relieve some of this "social anxiety" I've got going on.

I have projects in mind and should start on one. Today.

I enjoy writing.

I am okay letting people go. That's how I express my love...i guess 🥲

I am not obligated to respond to every mf thing that is given or said to me.

I am not obligated to be kind to people who are not kind to me, regardless of the relationship or perceived power dynamics.

I am allowed to set boundaries, even if that means shifting the energy.

I am a real thug ass nigga til the day I fly. Been that.

I am happy.

I am love.

I am peace.

I am lost and confused...and found with clarity lmfao

I am freaking out fr

I am getting off track.

I am back on the course haha

I am not about to be trippin out here, ok??

I love and respect myself enough to recognize when a relationship has turned hurtful or "toxic"

I love and respect myself enough to recognize when a relationship has turned hurtful or toxic.

I love and respect myself enough to recognize when I need to remove myself from a hurtful or toxic relationship.

I love and respect myself enough to recognize when I need to remove myself from a hurtful relationship.

...Heavy on the repeat...ya know, just in case I didn't hear myself the first time 😁

K, love ya! Write to yall later 💚