Now that we're ankle deep into February, I'm feeling good yall. I'm feeling dafe in my body...sorry, Safe. I'm not erasing any typos either for this on but i will correct myself as i go. confusing? maybe..who cares? not me. at least not at this moment but i may v=change my mind and edit this lol. 

Just blurting it out, what will you get today? bwahhahahahaaaa!

I'll give you the chill version of me. whatever the fuck that is, she is here. right now. look at her. so chill...love her like this. i swear I'm weird but in the normalest of ways. I think of that sometimes...went on google to find out if my birthday/horoscope are still accurate (dont judge me). It's pretty spot on...crazy lol. 

Is this a regular thing for me to do? not necessarily...but I find myself checking in with who I'm assumed to be occasionally. 

Funny story, and long story short, my horoscope says I'm not compatible with my current spouse. and the reasons are interesting because they're very real speed bumps that we've experienced and continue to bump over...the funny part is, their sign would slowdown, drive around the speed bump. Me? Nooo...Gemini says floor it, you won't feel the bump if we go over it faster lmao. tragic, diabolical, yikes. 

I gotta work on that. 

I get overstimulated sometimes and my filter fades and i really just wanna fast forward to the good parts of life. Problem solving is a 3 step process for me, whereas some people need 18 steps.

Step 1 - identify problem

Step 2 - brain storm solutions and pick the best one

Step 3 - Move the fuck on. problem solved

Looks great and efficient on paper(and in my mind) but this may not be a thorough process for others and I don't get it. "It could be so simple" is my reply to that. 

I understand it's not fair for me to rush someone who really needs the other steps to process through...conflict.

Help me. I want to work on that...rushing people to get it tf together and move forward. I want more patience but damn, come on tho...ok, and there i go again lol

I also have an issue with having issues lol yep, this is a hot ass mess. I'm so sorry if this is your first impression of me but I'm also glad because this is it, sweetheart haha

I've been consistent with my inner work. I'm proud of myself for showing up for myself...cuz Lord knows I've had many a mornings where i don't want to get out of the bed, I just want to cry while I lay on my stomach and rub the tops of my feet along the cool fitted sheets. I want to do that every day but I have small people who don't understand that crashing out really isn't funny unless it's on your scroll feed. In real life, crashing out looks kinds scary and sad...and is depressing. 

I went to karaoke at a friend's house last weekend. I asked Malc to come with me but he doesn't like socializing in that capacity. I don't either but I tend to bypass comfort for the sake of my friends and spending time with them lol Comfort, shmomfort....

I hate that kind of stuff really...I'm trying to stay sober and well rested but i also want to have the strength to go to parties without feeling like I need to participate in the activities that no longer serve my body in my best interest. I hate drinking, but i absolutely knew we'd be taking shots...upon arrival damn near lmao

I had a blast but ended up leaving after a couple hours because as the night grew long, the liquor grew skrong lol

But anyway! 2025 is good, I can do better for myself and plan to. Getting through my anxiety while trying to look like a normal adult is an art form. Still perfecting my craft but give me grace.

Peace yall. Love ya, thanks for reading.

💚deena