This year, I realized my dearest super hero is a regular human, like me and you and everyone else.
I didnt have an epiphany or anything like that. There was no glowing halo around a mysterious silhouette, I didn't hold my cheeks and say " oh wow 😍 Mom's a human after all 🥰"
Nah brush.
This was more like a "Mom wtf are you doing!?" type of way. Scary, awkward, sad...
I don't want this entry to be a negative shadow over the wonderful woman she is but dealing with parents who are grieving is not easy. Especially when..ehh long story short, I had to step away and uhh..."Give it to God" I love her just as much as I did before she transformed but oh my fucking goodness. The tears I've cried...yes, thugs cry too🫣
Ay so actually I mentioned that because I'm trying to have faith that 2025 will be peaceful and safe and healing and beautiful. For everyone. Especially for my momma. If you've read this far, could you say little prayer for her? I'm not the holiest person out here but when I lock in, I feel connected, ya know. I'm locked in so I'm feeling good but just trying to trust the process is the test for me.
I realized that I need to genuinely nurture my relationships with people and stop being so fucking fake. Not fake...but I'm always so considerate of how my words or thoughts will make others feel...or feel about me that i give without recieving in some of my friendships...and it bothers tf out of me.well, the fact that they don't reciprocate and the fact that i just keep ooon giving. I hate that I'm like that but I always find myself compromising when I have the opportunity to express myself. It's not even a choice though. I genuinely get choked up when I think of how my words might initiate conflict or hurt someones feelings. Then I'm crying and then there's snotty hiccups and the word voice and...ew. embarrassing. It's crazy because people piss me off all the time lol or do something weird and I'd rather make them invisible than say hey, I didn't like that. It's mostly with family or friends that i really don't wanna be friends with anymore but they don't realize i feel that way and idk how to tell them... anybody else like that? I feel ya fareeeal (boosie voice)
But yeah...2024 showed me that some of my associates are split ends...I need a trim but I'm holding on for the sake of how long I've known them. But it's brittle now and there's really not enough deep conditioner in the world if the relationship is bald...I need to just cut that shit off. It's struggling, not thriving or growing. Sad but in the wise words OT Genesis "you need to cut iiiiit" and will.
Long story short, I want to set clear boundaries and expectations with the people who consider familiarity a pass to play with me. Respectfully😌
Happy New Year!🥰
💚 deena
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