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Is anybody out there?

Hey yall! I am so flaky writing on this thing but you know what? When I do stop by, it's always much needed and well overdue! 

So, hello...again lol It's been a little over a year since we caught up last but I've lost some weight, boosted my credit score, created a source of passive income for my girls, and I've also had the absolute best year ever. 

This is not an ode to 2021 by the way...just realized how great of a year I had while reflecting on what key pointers I wanted to fill you in on lol. 

I also have been growing my youtube family! It's been so beautiful and positive. 
"WHAT'S YOUR YOUTUBE CHANNEL ABOUT?" you ask...welp i dont fuckin know. 
It's about me I suppose...in a nut shell. 

But again, I have no clue how to describe that lol 
If I had to choose 3 words to describe my channel it would be... 
  • 1- Entertaining 
  • 2- Random 
  • 3- Positivity 
Now...slap those things together and THAT is what my channel is about...wow. that was easy lol and super accurate haha! 

Alrite so there are so many things I want to pour out of my brain but I don't know where to begin...lets start with what's most pressing on my mind? 

Family 

I love my family. I have been chosen by the universe to be the glue for my family and let me tell ya, it's a tough task to accept. Especially when people get remarried and shit. I'm just being honest...it's hella awkward. My parents fell victim to the "Big D" (lmfao I meant divorce btw) and since, my dad remarried almost immediately and my mom is still thuggin' it on her own out here. Which, ya know, to each their own...I love them both dearly. They're each my best friend in their own right? I still go to my mom for life advice and my dad for financial advice. They're still the perfect team for me although they're no longer a team together ya know?

And if you've been reading for a while...you know very well about my vibes towards my dad's "new family"...It's not my preferred set up but whatcha gonna do? That's my dad's happiness and it is what it is. All I can do is respect him by being on my best behavior, regardless if I'm uncomfortable and keep it moving. 

Well, recently I have another fav family member in the same boat. Her name is Felecia. I absolutely love Felecia...I absolutely loved Quinton (he was my in law). Now, why y'all gotta go changing on me? I'm not fond of meeting new people at this stage of my life. I know I'm only 30 but I believe I've met and gotten to know all the close family that I need to for now...but anyway, what I was about to say was... 
I was recently introduced to Felecia's new addition top the family, Joe...and I don't know how I feel about it. I feel like it's too soon for me to get to know Joe. In fact, it was so awkward that I started to think... 

🤔"Hmmm...Yea, I'm not doing this shit ever again." 

I'm not meeting anyone else new. When you show up to my house next time, show up with the same muhfukkas you had last time. No surprises or newness aloud or welcomed. It's stressful for me. I haven't liked 2 major characteristics of this person since the day I found out about them: Their morals and their judgement. Unfortunately for them, I knew about THOSE before I actually knew THEM. Ya following me? 
So now, years have passed and I haven't met this guy (until recently) so all my thoughts have been quite non-optimistic about this character and now I'm meeting him...eghh. So awkward. I don't know how to tell Felicia ion like it. I don't want to hurt her feelings...but I don't like this. Not necessarily HIM but IT...like the circumstance. 
I missed having Quinton there...(Quinton is the ex of Felecia) 
Him and my husband are besties, my kids were asking where he was and I had to sit them down like soo...what had happened was...*cringecringecringe*🤢 

Yea, uncomfortable af. I have an awful time balancing the value and priorities of my feelings with those of others. I'm a tough cookie. However...I am not as tough in "family glue" form as I am in cookie form lmao. 

So when everyone around me is telling me to voice the discomfort on behalf of us all...Ionno how. 
I don't want Felecia to feel uncomfortable but at the same time...Felecia never asked what made ME comfortable. So now I've gotta say something before the next holiday comes up so she's not planning to bring Joe again...'Cause laaawd🤦🏾‍♀️

Arite NEXT topic! 

 Nah jk... I won't spill too many beans but foreal tho... I could say more but lucky for you guys, I try my best to express myself as honestly as possible without being nasty or negative towards others because after all, I'm just venting. Not trying to call people out on front street. I could though...I have before lol but I have to ask...Is anybody out there even reading this? 

Juuust in case 🤐....lmao 

So yea, next topic...

Family Functions/Holiday Gatherings: I aint doin it. 

Over the last few years I've stressed myself out to be on time and have a dish and be nice in front of people who I don't really want to be around. The vibe is off. I feel like an outsider...outnumbered lol plus the music is usually inappropriate for my kids to be listening to. I love me some Meg and Saweetie...even some Cardi and Nikki...but absolutely none of these ladies have any business galloping through the ears of my 6 year old through the most epic speaker system known to man. 

I also recently stopped drinking and now I realize...I can't have sober fun with them...that's a problem. 
I don't really like anything about my new family...and recently I found out my actual family member was the "guiding light and savior" to these niggas...I've never rolled my eyes so hard! I had to take my glasses off and look in the mirror with a flash light to find where they rolled off to. 

I commend any man who steps up and raises the children of the woman he loves...IF he had that same energy with/towards his own child/ren. That's where I'm leaving that. Keep in mind, I could most definitely be talking out of my ass right now. I don't know first-hand information about the circumstances because it's not my relationship...it's all based on hear-say mixed with some personal feelings and a pinch of Lawry's seasoning salt. 

But I said what I said based on what information I have received plus info that I've gathered on my own. 

I guess the moral of this vent is: 
Sometimes family will do things that will make you question who you thought they were. They will disappoint you, they will do or say things that shock and surprise you. Try your best to accept them as you would want to be accepted...but the new people? Fuck them and they feelings🤣 

I'm playin lmao...That's how I feel but I'm not advising you to feel the same way. Some step moms are cool af. Some blended families are more functional than the automated toilets at the movies. But as for me and my situation...🤷🏾‍♀️

Okey dokey, see ya next time!🍄

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