well first,id like to give a big thanks to all of my readers for ur support and feedback.

 i kno i havent been consistent with posting but id like to think im gettin better.ive been video blogging like crazy but due to my current search for a job,im keepin tht stuff on the super low until i can get hired lol...speaking of which...someone brought me the idea to document my life...unfortunately,they werent willing to provide a camera for me haha so its a no-go although i love the idea.i was thinkin i would personally ask everyone to donate a dollar and see wat i could get lol.thhnnn i was gonna have a yard sale but...my dad heard i wanted to have a yard sale,sed no,then sold all the stuff i tagged for the yard sale...i was highly pissed but wat can i do ya kno...

i kno some ppl have been reading the blog but at the same time,im really not sure of how many ppl are actually reading it bcuz no one is leaving comments or clickin the like/love/dislike buttons so i really have no clue whos readin it or wat they think...its been kinda tough blogging to ppl tht i dont kno exist for sure?lol

but ive been pullin stuff from the air and just kinda typin down everything tht comes to mind i gues...todays topic i guess will be job hunting?

my experience has been depressingly unsuccessful.like im so scared tht by the time i find a job,itll be too late.like i asked for more hours at fbo because ive been bustin my ass to show tht i can sell just as much or more as my coworkers in less time&with a shared shift but i really dont feel its goin anywhere anytime soon so ive been all over jacksonville like evn underground in lil unknown shops jus lookin for a job...ive applied to wally world,kmart,target,popeys,mcdonalds,bk,dq,all tht good stuff too.ive been through hot,empty,unpleasant baldwin and literally lost weight walkin round job hunting lol.like idk wtf is goin on but everybody is requiring experience now...which sucks because how can i gain experience without having experience available?lol.but u kno me...im bound to find somethin cuz my smile is ridiculous...and im a pretty kool person.but all this stress is makin me break out and i literally have no energy or appetite...ive been eatin like rice or cereal cuz it fills me up but im so tired.like tryin to get a job,tryna get gas money to go job huntin and thn money for daycare[shout outs to my big sister LIZZ STRAIGHT.i love u so much and cant thank u enough for helpin me out financially and emotionally].i just do not feel like myself.like somebody better hire me quick while i still give a damn about smilin at everybody just in case i see the manager and dont kno it lol.cuz after a while im sure my face might read something totally different.all i can do at this point is hustle wen i can and keep my hopes/charisma like wayyy up...

anywho...i went to go see the karate kid the other day and it was much much better than i expected.like i was all the way into the movie evn tho any movie watcher couldve probably told u the plot lol.the smith family is truly beautiful and talented bcuz i thot jayden smith was gonna kick rocks in the movie.u kno tht one family tht assumes EVERYBODY in the family is talented...i thot it was gonna be one of those movies haha.my favorite parts were the ones with just jayden and jackie chan...and i kno my spellin may be a lil off but its like midnight so...give me a break lol.

hmm wat else?...oh...relationships&deena..right now ive been keepin to myself.a few ppl have tried to tlk to me and ive tried to make time but the efforts put towards trying to build a relationship got more irritating than
anything else.just the excessive texting and constantly asking to go here and there and i just got annoyed with clinginess...idk.i really like bein to myself right now u kno.i dont like wen ppl hear no but ignore it like "no" is the rong answer u kno.like if someone sez...hey r u busy?and u say yea,tht should be the end of tht.instead tgo ive been hearing,oh so u cant make time for me?or u must be talkin to someone else or y dnt u call me anymore?y dnt u txt me back?etc...and im jus like n*g-a wat u think?lol jk.but really tho...im still not over my highschool bf so i dont wanna start anything until i figure out how i feel about myself...plus...a boyfriend is not about to be next to me in the foodstamp line or payin my debt to the the daycare so y do i need extra ppl in my equation right now u kno...its ok to be beautiful and single AND happy...its rare,but possible lol.yes i feel a lil bored in the middle of the night but thts wat books are for.ive been reading alot lately to help myself to stop smoking and i absolutely love it...alot.its free,old fashioned entertainment.i can draw pics in my head for myself instead of havin some director, with a dif vision than mine,showing it on tv and ruining any kind of imagination left in my brain.so for now im dating the library i guess?haha is all god tho..its really not as pitiful as it sounds lmao

but ths all for now...maybe if u guys start givin me more feedback,ill post video blog thanks and shout outs weekly?or somethin...idk yet...still thinkin bout tht.i think i need a new co-poster tho bcuz my current one hasnt been too into it.probly forgot about it lol.so tht position is up for grabs...u could help me with design,topics,editing,promo ideas,watever u kno...

ill keep u posted tho!
-deena ^_^