& i believe this is the part when my mind must take control...

i lost my job as a team up teacher bcuz it was the end of the skool year...during the last 2 weeks of the skool year tho, i was struggling to pay daycare,waiting on child support checks to start comin so i could pay the debt to the daycare...the checks came and went about as fast as i got thm really.some went to daycare, the rest went to lizzys party,pampers,wipes,etc...so the girls stayed with me for about a month until finally i went through work source to get to jcc faster...so i go everyday and do everything the tell me to do,put up with women tellin me about their weave horror stories and their traumatic fathers day tales...all the baby daddy drama that was flyin through tht room was beyond my comprehension and i was counting the minutes until i got wat i needed...i finally meet someone from jcc and they tell me my daycare should be 3.50/day.so im like heellll yahhh hoe!suck on THESE!u kno...like im super hype bout to punch out everybody tht gave me hell in tht place...turns out...tht 3.50 apparently meant nothing.matter of fact idk where the hell they evn came up with tht cuz my unemployed-self is still payin 83 bux a week and im like where the f*ck did the other 80 dollars come from?so i called jcc and the daycare on 3-way since both of thm seemed to understand it just fine...how in the hell did i end up kind of understanding tht i ddnt get it...and im tryna explain o this lady im broke as hell...broke enough to afford 3.50 a day...like im only gettin 45 a week...MAYBE.ive been seriously pushin my energy like...u kno how u hear ppl complainin nobody is hiring...i swear tht sh*t is so tru.and i kno im cute,presentable,well mannered,groomed,etc...wat the heck is wrong with hiring me?i chilled out on fB about wat i do in my personal life u kno,i chilled out with alot of stuff and i kno i need to be patient but i feel like none of this shit is makin sense...

im workin on saturdays in the mall with watever hours i can get just to make 45 bux the next friday.tht goes towards daycare tht the girls are in during the week(not evn the day tht im workin).they might as well stay home with me until i find a job thts givin me hella stupid hours so i can afford to be broke u kno.cuz after i pay daycare,i dont have money for gas to drive no damn where so wtf am i wastin 45 bux for?but at the same time im like...how the hell did i let thm talk me into signin somethin tht all of a sudden has the worng numbers on it tht they dnt have the "man power" to change.i was like lady u can scan,edit and copy tht bit just as easily as u did to put my name all in the paper work u kno...and its takin everything in me not to go off on SOMEBODY.

my week has been miserable but ive been cheesin through the whole thing as much as my sanity will allow me...like weed never seemed like a better idea in my life but im determined not to smoke tht ish to deal with my frustration because i kno,just my luck,somebodys gonna be close to hiring me til they give me a pee test and thts the last thing i need is to "almost" be hired.

so tomoro i will go up to work source and act a damn donkey bcuz the women ive seen in there tht acted a fool got exactly wat they wanted,exactly wen they wanted it and it seems like the better trained individuals get pushed to trhe side and im not bout to let my manners allow my ass to go broke.ive always been taught to have manners and be polite and control wat i say to other ppl but ppl arent doin tht shit w/me so y give thm tht same respect just to get slapped in the face with it...im sick of bein nice and broke & i believe this is the part when my mind must take control...