thinkin too hard lol

so...i had a big arguement with a guy about our "relationship".like we werent together and we ddnt have sex or anything like tht but we were kinda talkin u kno but at a slow pace cuz thts wat i want right now...but anyway we got in a fight about me not pikin up my phone...first of all...it is my fone and if i wanna pik up,i will.there's no universal fone answering code book tht sez its mandatory for me to pik up my phone wen anybody calls.i could be a rude personand just never ever pik up my phone...but like he knew about my dislike for fone conversations.i text.thts just wat i do...so after the fight we're now on a "yea fuck u too" kinda status which is fine with me lol.but i was jus thinkin how much easier it was for me to let go wen there was no sex involved,no stupid title or myspace page with my face/his face all over it or i love this guy and i love her type of silly crap.it was just like fuck u too..andi had a great day afterwards.maybe ive been beaten to a cold hearted pulp by previous relationships or maybe ive grown up a lil bit...im not quite sure of which is occuring but i hope its option number 2 lol.where would i be now if i realized tht sex adds alot more into the equation than just penis and vagina.theres alot more tht cant even be put into words.im proud of myself tht i ddnt eff tht a-hole cuz i woulda had a pissy day afgter the whole fuck u convo lol.ive finally stopped thinking with my groin and it paid off...or do i have a groin?yea i have a groin area right?watever..i stopped thinkin with my vajayjay and used my big brain in my abnormally large cranium and i feel great.lol

and another thing i realized today was this:last night my lights went out and im like sissy scared of the dark so i texted afriend of mine and they came over at like 1 or 2 in the mornin and we jus chilled in the car.no kissin no rubbin,touchin,flirtin...jus chillin and laughin tellin stupid jokes.and he looked tired as fuck but he drove over to see me jus to be there and wasnt expecting anything but a good conversation.then,this morning,i went to the beach and had breakfast on the water with one of my besties and it was kool.like there was nothin sexual about it.jus chillin and bein frenz.these 2 ppl made merealize tht i like bein single and i like chillin...not "high school chillin" like fuckin around with no strings attached but chillin foreal.i felt safe and comfortable and it was nice to see tht there are guys who appreciate company rather than pleasure all the time.and to me,thts a real guy u kno.like a human and not a sex machine lol.

and then i was listenin to my pod [aka deena jr] and i was like...its amazing how i had such strong feelings for some people and gave them life[literally haha] and now tht everythings sed and done,they've moved on a long time ago and im just now letting go of any kind of hope of anything ever working out between them and myself.i feel like a new person.im more confident,i feel more beautiful than ever and no body can bring me down from my high on life right now because ive rediscovered myself.the deena i was before i let life beat me up.like im the koolest person ive ever been rite now.and maybe im not even the deena i was a while ago because ive never felt this good about anything...even wen i got my first perm in the 6th grade i ddnt feel this fly lol.and dammit i thot i was the shit on the first day of middle skool with my greasy forehead and fresh perm lmao.so its def official...18 has hit me...and the hit wasnt as hard as i thot it was gonna be,its rather refreshing actually lol.