Empathy, With A Grain of Salt

Ya know something?

My bad...hey guys 😌

Ok ya know what? I'm a supportive ass person. It's rare to receive this level of support in return.

And so.... I'm done supporting mfs that don't support me lmao fuck yall. Hmph! 

Lol I'm joking but I feel that way today. It's a fleeting feeling, nothing that I'll hold on to lol 

A couple posts back, I mentioned that I thought I was empathetic af. After some soul searching and processing of recent events, I realize that actually, I'm not empathetic at all. I've been thinking🤔  how could I be an empathetic person if I can't even associate with my own feelings. Sadness, grief, anger, disappointment. I say,  who needs em?! I choose not to acknowledge those types of feelings. Except frustration...I'll always save room for frustration. That's my lil toxic fine shyt fr🤭 

Feelings are choices to me. Choose to be happy,  choose to be mad,  choose to hold on or let go. Up to you...Sometimes, when others are feeling anything other than good, I kinda check out because I don't know what to say. What do we talk about? Do we acknowledge the shitty smell in the room or spray some febreeze, hit the fan and make it smell better for a lil bit? This is awkward... I literally draw a blank and say something along the lines of..."well...at least you something, something". Might dust it with a shoulder shrug or hit the shrug/ half smile combo... when those don't cut it, I try to think of a way to get you out of your funk. I'm silent while I brain storm so it's not like...a better situation. I don't announce it like I'm a hero but maybe I should... "Hold on guys! I've got a plan!☝🏾Let me brainstorm this one out🤓" lmao joking but for real tho, what I won't do is wallow with you. I'm sorry but I gotta protect my shit, too! We can't both be mad or sad or tripping. If your upset, I'm sorry. I feel for you... but I'm not about to be walking around upset because YOU'RE upset. The fuck that gotta do with me? Unless of course I'm the reason for the problem lmao but even then! What did I do tho? 

I'm not empathetic because...I dunno if the "why" matters really. Not yet... so far, the important thing is I was a little of when I thought I was empathetic. There's an asterisk... Empathic* (*for positive feelings only)

Dint get me wrong, I'm comforting. I'm great at that. Understanding feelings, yes I'm great at that. So I'm a wonderfully sympathetic person but empathy...ehhhnn, not so much.

Ionno, kinda like a second kidney to me; I'm just fine without it lol

Part of me has to remember, I've spent time in the trenches of my soul. Lonely parts are where I found clarity, reflection, understanding of self. I don't need anyone to understand me to feel understood. I understand myself. And so, maybe I'm judgemental when it comes to understanding how some people need empathy. I don't know how to give that...to validate or process tough feelings that aren't my own. I prefer to be alone in those moments because I don't want someone trying to offer me advice or dump/burden others with those feelings, or tell people my business or how I feel because those things change, and I be tripping. I don't want empathy, this deep hole of darkness is MIIIIINE! Geettt OOOUUTTT!lol

Chat, 

How does one become more empathetic?

...Asking for a friend 😬

💚deena