WOW! Haven't posted in this thing since January...so...this is awkward, as it usually seems to be after I go on a huge rant where I outline this master plan to post regularly lmao. Anyone who knows me though would know that I often have spurts of normality that don't seem to last very long for whatever reason...
Alright so where do we start now?
First off, let's praise whomever has infinite control of every one's destiny! I just realized that, although it provided my life with enough hate to write a decent narrative of my life, I left my old job. SOOOOO fucking happy. Anyone else ever just relish that feeling when you leave a shitty ass job on your own terms...after of course stirring up a little drama. I couldn't help it. So here's what happened:
I went into work screaming (in my best Lil' Jon/Waka Flocka impersonation) "I'm too turnt up for that fuck shit" at the top of my lungs while smoking the fattest blunt one could possibly imagine, wearing an outfit only appropriate enough for my bathroom mirror (witht he door closed) with an entourage of condom-balloons floating behind me. (And circus bears were there in case a bitch got a little aggressive and conjured thoughts of violence against me while I had my glorious moment. Never know when you'll need a large mammal to clown flip a hater)...Oh, and I had fauxe dollar bills draping my body like milk on a dipped cookie...and I made it a point to greet everyone with my middle finger as I paraded my ratchet inner feelings outwardly, looking for my boss so I could submit my ultimate letter of resignation...or get fired, whichever were to come first.
Clearly none of that actually occurred, although the bear would've been a nice touch lmao. Long story short, I resigned and gave 2 weeks notice, then said ehn...fuck these hoes, I'd rather leave now and have a good week of vacation. I was in heaven...ok not "heaven" per-say because MY interpretation of heaven would include lots of time and marijuana with literally nothing to do...with milk chocolate sculptures of every member from N'Sync from way back when...and XM radio...and oh, lots of raisin bran...and strawberry cheese cake...and fingernail polish that never chipped...ever...but I guess I wouldn't need polish?ehn whateverrrr...ok so AAAAnyway that's what really happened. Kinda.
I did try and terminate Orphias before I left and it worked to an extent but now that I'm gone, I realize it wasn't my place to do that...sure was fun though. Venting all those deep, dark secrets of what went on at "Dot Street" and watching people crumble at my will, doing whatever I say because they fucked up and told me about their life while we were in a professional setting, breaking all that the "Ethics Code" ever intended to stand for...it was great. I must admit, being a bitch is definitely the sweetest thing ever in life. Can't be a dumb bitch tho...that would mean you're screwed. I'm no dumb bitch..that reminds me of Rush Hour when Chris Tucker told the guy at the Chinese food kiosk, "I ain't no punk bitch!" and dude said "I am no punk bitch!" haha...wow boy I tell ya, digression is a troubling disease that seems to have taken a liking to me today lol.
So now I work at a job that requires me to be mean. Perfect :)
And Cierra, my Honda, died back in July...ungrateful bitch she was. I gave her everything a car could ever want: Young Jeezy, beach sand, parking tickets, fast food, and ME...oh well. I got a new whip who will remain "Nameless" since everything else that I named with a motor kinda gave up on me when it counted the most...in traffic.But she's cute and small and semi-new...and works like a charm. Need an oil change though or I'm sure she'll earn a name or two from me...
What else can I rant about...blah blee bloo...
OOOOh how could I forget! Right before Cierra passed away, my phone ran into the black hole of where all other "missing" phones venture to...I was pissed. I used damn near all my tax money on that stupid Galaxy. Filled my tank up, then used the rest on my stupid phone...that I love...and miss ever so deeply. The camera was the fuckin bomb, the screen was huge, the apps...oooh the apps! Man I had a sad year as far as possessions go...buuut at least I'm not in jail next to a big bitch with no teeth or recollection of how she got "White Girl Juicy" tattooed on her face like last year, YAY!
Funny, I rarely ever think of myself as a woman who gets hated on or gets thrown any sort of shade, mostly because I am a nobody in the grander scheme of the world but wow, old bitches hate harder than my peers ever could. Every old woman I've worked with always has this stank look like I'm of lesser value. Now, I know they say the older the tree, the riper the fruit (...or some shit like that) but trees don't even grow long enough to get "old" and produce any damn fruit now a days, you know, since the demand for paper has increased; so these wrinkly hoes need to back up before I find the need to regulate history. Tryna tell me how to hook up a computer...girl, I blossomed from the womb typing on a damn computer. I know how to hook it up...and don't try to tell me how to cook, or court a man...I may have publicly failed at courting in my past blogs but uhh I figured it out now, thank you.
In case you're completely lost, Orphias- OLD lady (and hater), and new lady - OLD lady too.But new lady is friendly and speaks English as her second language...in a weird way. Like she's cool with you and then when the boss comes "umm is it ok if young deena was 2 minutes uhh late today. I told her to tell you about it so I'm just letting you know"
FOR WHAT THOOOOUGH??/ How can you tell me to tell him when you didn't even tell me anything! and it's 2 minutes, which is a commonly used safety time block that recognizes the ever-so-frequent delays to work due to traffic. Damn, ho! You tryna get a bitch fired or something?? (The face that I give to her includes all of these feelings btw)
Other than that, and her blatant ignorance of how America will always be sure to keep the minorities as minorities and nothing greater, she's not too bad to tolerate.
We had the food stamp talk the other day, which is naturally followed by the weave talk. I couldn't help but ask myself why the hell am I entertaining this fuckery anyway? Why am I the token defendant of my people in the work place? FUCK!
...But it went well I suppose. Of course, she thinks "being black" is an excuse for misfortune and sub-standard living circumstances.. but who cares. She's irrelevant to the circle of life which revolves around me. She can sit here and defend history if she wants, but I regularly remind her of the fact: American history is taught from an American perspective. If you ask "America", they're never in the wrong, always justifiable, and always the victorious. That's how you brain wash, gain trust and dependence, my foreign friend. Deception!
Alright, enough of that, all in all, I'm happy. So here's to half-ass attempts to regularly posting on this thing and random unexpected life experiences that other people find hilarious, although unfortunate.
Cheers!
Alright so where do we start now?
First off, let's praise whomever has infinite control of every one's destiny! I just realized that, although it provided my life with enough hate to write a decent narrative of my life, I left my old job. SOOOOO fucking happy. Anyone else ever just relish that feeling when you leave a shitty ass job on your own terms...after of course stirring up a little drama. I couldn't help it. So here's what happened:
I went into work screaming (in my best Lil' Jon/Waka Flocka impersonation) "I'm too turnt up for that fuck shit" at the top of my lungs while smoking the fattest blunt one could possibly imagine, wearing an outfit only appropriate enough for my bathroom mirror (witht he door closed) with an entourage of condom-balloons floating behind me. (And circus bears were there in case a bitch got a little aggressive and conjured thoughts of violence against me while I had my glorious moment. Never know when you'll need a large mammal to clown flip a hater)...Oh, and I had fauxe dollar bills draping my body like milk on a dipped cookie...and I made it a point to greet everyone with my middle finger as I paraded my ratchet inner feelings outwardly, looking for my boss so I could submit my ultimate letter of resignation...or get fired, whichever were to come first.
Clearly none of that actually occurred, although the bear would've been a nice touch lmao. Long story short, I resigned and gave 2 weeks notice, then said ehn...fuck these hoes, I'd rather leave now and have a good week of vacation. I was in heaven...ok not "heaven" per-say because MY interpretation of heaven would include lots of time and marijuana with literally nothing to do...with milk chocolate sculptures of every member from N'Sync from way back when...and XM radio...and oh, lots of raisin bran...and strawberry cheese cake...and fingernail polish that never chipped...ever...but I guess I wouldn't need polish?ehn whateverrrr...ok so AAAAnyway that's what really happened. Kinda.
I did try and terminate Orphias before I left and it worked to an extent but now that I'm gone, I realize it wasn't my place to do that...sure was fun though. Venting all those deep, dark secrets of what went on at "Dot Street" and watching people crumble at my will, doing whatever I say because they fucked up and told me about their life while we were in a professional setting, breaking all that the "Ethics Code" ever intended to stand for...it was great. I must admit, being a bitch is definitely the sweetest thing ever in life. Can't be a dumb bitch tho...that would mean you're screwed. I'm no dumb bitch..that reminds me of Rush Hour when Chris Tucker told the guy at the Chinese food kiosk, "I ain't no punk bitch!" and dude said "I am no punk bitch!" haha...wow boy I tell ya, digression is a troubling disease that seems to have taken a liking to me today lol.
So now I work at a job that requires me to be mean. Perfect :)
And Cierra, my Honda, died back in July...ungrateful bitch she was. I gave her everything a car could ever want: Young Jeezy, beach sand, parking tickets, fast food, and ME...oh well. I got a new whip who will remain "Nameless" since everything else that I named with a motor kinda gave up on me when it counted the most...in traffic.But she's cute and small and semi-new...and works like a charm. Need an oil change though or I'm sure she'll earn a name or two from me...
What else can I rant about...blah blee bloo...
OOOOh how could I forget! Right before Cierra passed away, my phone ran into the black hole of where all other "missing" phones venture to...I was pissed. I used damn near all my tax money on that stupid Galaxy. Filled my tank up, then used the rest on my stupid phone...that I love...and miss ever so deeply. The camera was the fuckin bomb, the screen was huge, the apps...oooh the apps! Man I had a sad year as far as possessions go...buuut at least I'm not in jail next to a big bitch with no teeth or recollection of how she got "White Girl Juicy" tattooed on her face like last year, YAY!
Funny, I rarely ever think of myself as a woman who gets hated on or gets thrown any sort of shade, mostly because I am a nobody in the grander scheme of the world but wow, old bitches hate harder than my peers ever could. Every old woman I've worked with always has this stank look like I'm of lesser value. Now, I know they say the older the tree, the riper the fruit (...or some shit like that) but trees don't even grow long enough to get "old" and produce any damn fruit now a days, you know, since the demand for paper has increased; so these wrinkly hoes need to back up before I find the need to regulate history. Tryna tell me how to hook up a computer...girl, I blossomed from the womb typing on a damn computer. I know how to hook it up...and don't try to tell me how to cook, or court a man...I may have publicly failed at courting in my past blogs but uhh I figured it out now, thank you.
In case you're completely lost, Orphias- OLD lady (and hater), and new lady - OLD lady too.But new lady is friendly and speaks English as her second language...in a weird way. Like she's cool with you and then when the boss comes "umm is it ok if young deena was 2 minutes uhh late today. I told her to tell you about it so I'm just letting you know"
FOR WHAT THOOOOUGH??/ How can you tell me to tell him when you didn't even tell me anything! and it's 2 minutes, which is a commonly used safety time block that recognizes the ever-so-frequent delays to work due to traffic. Damn, ho! You tryna get a bitch fired or something?? (The face that I give to her includes all of these feelings btw)
Other than that, and her blatant ignorance of how America will always be sure to keep the minorities as minorities and nothing greater, she's not too bad to tolerate.
We had the food stamp talk the other day, which is naturally followed by the weave talk. I couldn't help but ask myself why the hell am I entertaining this fuckery anyway? Why am I the token defendant of my people in the work place? FUCK!
...But it went well I suppose. Of course, she thinks "being black" is an excuse for misfortune and sub-standard living circumstances.. but who cares. She's irrelevant to the circle of life which revolves around me. She can sit here and defend history if she wants, but I regularly remind her of the fact: American history is taught from an American perspective. If you ask "America", they're never in the wrong, always justifiable, and always the victorious. That's how you brain wash, gain trust and dependence, my foreign friend. Deception!
Alright, enough of that, all in all, I'm happy. So here's to half-ass attempts to regularly posting on this thing and random unexpected life experiences that other people find hilarious, although unfortunate.
Cheers!
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